Want to Connect? Do This.
A really common statement that I hear in my office when dealing with couples is, "When things get tough, all I need is for you to hold me." That's a request for emotional safety. So why is it so hard for our partners to do this? It's about safety. When you're in an argument with someone and you don't feel safe, the last thing you want to do is move into that discomfort. It's like violating your own feelings. This is true in non-romantic relationships too: parent/child, co-workers, friends, and communities. Remember being a kid and fighting with your brother? Your parents made you hug and say you're sorry? What about your anger? Your feelings? Don't they mean anything? When you are ignored, it's invalidating. When you're feeling like you're not...
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