coping - Laura Giles, LCSW

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coping

7 Tips for Coping When You’re Overwhelmed

Posted on May 5, 2023

in coping

by Laura

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There's "coping" and then there is "overwhelm." Coping skills may not work for crisis situations. You may need something with a little more power. For those situations, here are 7 tips for coping when you're overwhelmed. You don't have to do them all. Just pick the one or two that work best for you and use them as your "go to" strategies. Radical Acceptance A lot of overwhelming stress comes from wanting things to be different. If we are stuck on what we think things are supposed to be, it can inhibit us from dealing with what is. If we are going to make effective changes (later), we have to start with how and where things are. Simply doing that is sometimes enough to reduce stress. To practice radical acceptance, accept the idea...

Healing the Shame of Abuse

Posted on April 16, 2023

in coping, emotions, trauma

by Laura

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When it comes to healing the shame of abuse, the biggest hurdle is breaking through the idea that the abuse is somehow our fault. The experiencer seems to feel that they should have, and could have, prevented it. If they hadn't done this, or had done that, it wouldn't have happened. So, the abuse must be their fault. In this article, I will give you lots of ways to think about abuse in a different way. I hope that this will help you to begin healing the shame of abuse. Know That It's Not Your Fault The first thing to know is that the abuse is not your fault. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. A naked woman lying in the street is not an invitation to rape. Leaving your keys in...

Mental Illness Isn’t a Personal Issue. It’s a Social One.

Posted on April 10, 2023

in coping

by Laura

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It's funny. When someone becomes anxious or depressed, we want them to go to a counselor to sort themselves out. It's their problem. Only mental illness isn't a personal issue. It's a social one. In some cases, this means that the person who is labeled "mentally ill" is having a completely rational response to an irrational situation. For example, let's say a child has to tip toe around in the morning to get a shower and breakfast because he knows that waking dad up could mean getting screamed at or hit. When that same child beats someone else up at school or sprays graffiti on a bridge, it could be his way of acting out his anger, crying for help, or trying to have some control over his life. If...

What’s My Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Score?

Posted on December 10, 2022

in coping, emotions, trauma

by Laura

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The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) score is based upon the answers to ten questions focused around childhood experiences. The assessment shows a relationship between traumatic childhood events and physical, social and emotional problems later in adulthood. This includes heart disease, diabetes, lung cancer, many autoimmune conditions, depression, violence, obesity, being a victim of domestic violence, as well as suicide. Additionally there are social risks such as higher rates of addiction, sexually transmitted diseases, multiple sexual partners, lack of health insurance, unemployment, less than a high school diploma, and lower income levels. A score of 4 or higher indicates a serious risk. While you can't change your past, you can take steps now to heal and to prevent another generation from enduring the same type of challenges that you had. Take the ACE Test Answer yes...

Is Paranormal PTSD a Real Thing?

Posted on October 23, 2022

in coping, trauma

by Laura

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Could a person get post traumatic stress disorder from a paranormal event? Is paranormal PTSD a real thing? Any event, real or imagined, that results in intrusive memories, nightmares, being easily startled, hypervigilance, avoiding the place where the event happened, feelings of hopelessness, negative thoughts and emotions, numbness, sleep disturbances, dissociation, mood instability, engaging in self-destructive behavior, aggressiveness, and/or overwhelming guilt or shame could cause post traumatic stress disorder. I have worked in a psychiatric facility that did not take this seriously. The lead psychiatrist thought that the client's story was a result of delusions. He would not discharge her until she recanted her story. This is the same type of treatment that child molestation victims and rape victims endure. It can lead to deepening the trauma. This is why people don't talk...

How to Be Unmanipulatable

Posted on August 25, 2022

in coping, problem solving, relationship

by Laura

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Okay, first off, let me tell you that there is no way to be 100% unmanipulatable. However, there are ways to reduce your vulnerability, and this article will look at those. Ready? Forget About Stereotypes The first thing you need to do to reduce your vulnerability to manipulation is to forget about stereotypes. Manipulative people don't always look or talk like thugs. They aren't always mean or pushy. The scary thing about monsters is that they look like people. They look like your parents, the guy next door, your teacher, the preacher, and you. If you think you can avoid them by staying away from people who (fill in the blank), you're wrong. They aren't wearing signs that say, "I manipulate people." Grow Yourself People allow themselves to be manipulated. Manipulative people search...

How Resilient Are You?

Posted on August 20, 2022

in coping, problem solving

by Laura

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The man asked an Arab sheik what kind of car he drives, and he replied, "A Mercedes." He then asked what kind of car his son drives, he said, "A Land Rover." When he asked what type of car his grandson would drive, he said, "A camel. Soft times create soft people. Hard times create strong people." If you have ever struggled with a cashier who can't make change, a customer service agent who can't answer your question, or a supervisor who can't write with correct grammar and punctuation, you can see the results of soft times and abundance on our society. Maybe you are even one of the people who have become soft as a result of having too much given to you. Maybe you're not very resilient. How does this happen? Well, we...

Are you a Bystander or Participant in Your Life?

Posted on December 24, 2021

in coping, relationship

by Laura

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Some people observe life. Some live life as an object and let life act upon them. Others participate. If you want to live fully, be a participant in your life. Observers Observing is a great skill! It helps you to take in data so that you know what's going on around you so you can act effectively. However, if you never get in the game, you're not living. You're watching life happen around you. Everything is vicarious. This can keep you safe because you never get your feelings hurt, and you get to sit back and talk about what could have, should have, would have. This is not a substitute for experience. Life is meant to be experienced. A life without experience is no life at all. You might as well watch a...

It’s a Wonderful (Codependent) Life

Posted on December 12, 2021

in coping, problem solving, relationship

by Laura

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Who doesn't love movie therapy? It's the Christmas season. It's a Wonderful Life is one of my favorite movies. It gets me all teary eyed every time I watch it. AND it's a great illustration of what codependency looks like. Want to learn? Come on! If you're not familiar with the story, our hero is George Bailey, a stand-up, down to earth guy who wants to be an explorer. He does all the right things in life, but ends up in a situation where he's contemplating suicide. In order for his guardian angel to get his wings, he has to do a good deed. So he goes to earth to persuade George to change his mind by showing him that he actually has had a great life. Got it? Okay, now...

Do This if You Want To Get Out of a Rut

Posted on November 2, 2021

in coping

by Laura

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A really great way to get to know yourself, get out of a rut, or increase low self esteem is to practice expanding experiences. Expanding experiences is just what it sounds like. It's about trying new things mindfully to see what you like and what you don't like. It's to test your limits and then go beyond them. It's a way to grow. Here's how it helps. Let's say that your way of expanding experiences is to do one new thing each month that is way outside of your comfort zone. So in the next six months you do an escape room with strangers, go to a rave, attend a church service in a religion that you know nothing about, read a novel in a genre that you haven't explored yet,...