problem solving - Laura Giles, LCSW
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problem solving

be easy going

10 Strategies People Who Are Easy To Live With Embrace

Being easy to live with opens up so many opportunities in your life. It makes you happier, the people around you happier, opens up possibilities for job opportunities and relationships. There are so many other benefits as well. Let's take a look at the qualities you need to be easy to live with. Keep Things Light We all know someone who takes things way too seriously, right? They have to look perfect, be prepared for everything, be on time, be well liked, have everything in order, etc. While all that is well and good, when you allow yourself and others wiggle room to breathe, you won't carry a lot of stress in your body. Since humans co-regulate (meaning we feel each other's feelings), your relaxed body creates an atmosphere of ease that...

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hero's journey

Becoming the Hero of Your Own Life

Every one of us is called upon to become the hero of our own life. Joseph Campbell, an American writer and professor, distilled the typical outline of how this plays out in story and in real life. We call that path "The Hero's Journey." It's a fabulous template for people to figure out where they are and where they are going. Let's take a look at the cycle. Ordinary World We all start out in the ordinary world. Everything is normal, routine, and usually comfortable. There usually isn't anything to complain about, but there may be a feeling that something is missing. We're living in an "ignorance is bliss" state, or an unawakened state. Things are as they are "supposed to be," which generally means that we're living up to someone else's...

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narcissistic pre-stalk

Beware of Narcissistic Pre-Stalking

If you are, or have been, in a relationship with a narcissist, you may have experienced stalking after the breakup. Lots of people know about this. But did you know that there is also narcissistic pre-stalking? Yep. What's Narcissistic Pre-Stalking? It's common for someone with narcissistic personality disorder or traits to pick out an intended victim and study them for months or even years before they ever make contact. If their target is a complete stranger, the easiest way to do this is through social media. They may secretly stalk public Facebook, TikTok, or Instagram channels to learn about personal details like what type of work that their target does, what they do for fun, and what are their political and religious leanings. They may begin to build this fantasy image of their...

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sex trafficking

Are You Being Targeted for Sex Trafficking?

Could you be the target of sex trafficking? Many of us think that sex trafficking only happens to the young, but only 51% of them are children. That's 1.8 million children world wide and 100,000 per year in America. If you think that being male protects you, think again. 8% of detected trafficking victims are men, so while it's a low number, it's not 0. And males make up 35% of the labor trafficking victims. If you think age protects you, think again. While the most desirable age varies by locale, 30 - 38 year old women are the most likely victims worldwide. So sex trafficking is real. It impacts everyone, and no one is safe. To keep yourself safer, let's look at the grooming process so you will know if you...

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how to make therapy more effective

How to Make the Most Out of Therapy

People go to therapy because they have a problem. They are in pain, and want relief fast! Therapy is an investment. It takes time and money, so naturally you want to make the most out of therapy. Here are some tips to help you do just that! Get Clear on Why You're There It's hard to solve your problems if you aren't sure what they are. What's more, if you don't have a well defined goal, it will be very hard to hit it. So come with an overall goal for therapy. This will also help you to know when you're done. Pay Attention In Between Sessions I typically start session with a check in. "How's it going?" and "How are you?" aren't social greetings or niceties. They are check in questions. I want...

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be unmanipulatable

How to Be Unmanipulatable

Okay, first off, let me tell you that there is no way to be 100% unmanipulatable. However, there are ways to reduce your vulnerability, and this article will look at those. Ready? Forget About Stereotypes The first thing you need to do to reduce your vulnerability to manipulation is to forget about stereotypes. Manipulative people don't always look or talk like thugs. They aren't always mean or pushy. The scary thing about monsters is that they look like people. They look like your parents, the guy next door, your teacher, the preacher, and you. If you think you can avoid them by staying away from people who (fill in the blank), you're wrong. They aren't wearing signs that say, "I manipulate people." Grow Yourself People allow themselves to be manipulated. Manipulative people search...

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How Resilient Are You?

The man asked an Arab sheik what kind of car he drives, and he replied, "A Mercedes." He then asked what kind of car his son drives, he said, "A Land Rover." When he asked what type of car his grandson would drive, he said, "A camel. Soft times create soft people. Hard times create strong people." If you have ever struggled with a cashier who can't make change, a customer service agent who can't answer your question, or a supervisor who can't write with correct grammar and punctuation, you can see the results of soft times and abundance on our society. Maybe you are even one of the people who have become soft as a result of having too much given to you. Maybe you're not very resilient. How does this happen? Well, we...

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How Nice is “Too Nice?”

Most of us were brought up to be nice. It makes relationships easier and living more hospitable, but where do you draw the line? How nice is too nice? What's "Nice?" Before we talk about how nice is too nice, let's define what it means to be nice. Nice is being pleasing, agreeable, friendly, polite, and kind. These are all things that we want, right? What could be bad about that? When we are too nice, it comes at a cost to ourselves. We teach people how to treat us, and when we put ourselves last, we show others that that is where we stand. That's where we are most comfortable. So we get more of that and don't get our own needs met. What "Too Nice" Looks Like: You over give of your...

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It's a wonderful life

It’s a Wonderful (Codependent) Life

Who doesn't love movie therapy? It's the Christmas season. It's a Wonderful Life is one of my favorite movies. It gets me all teary eyed every time I watch it. AND it's a great illustration of what codependency looks like. Want to learn? Come on! If you're not familiar with the story, our hero is George Bailey, a stand-up, down to earth guy who wants to be an explorer. He does all the right things in life, but ends up in a situation where he's contemplating suicide. In order for his guardian angel to get his wings, he has to do a good deed. So he goes to earth to persuade George to change his mind by showing him that he actually has had a great life. Got it? Okay, now...

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as within so without

What Does “As Within, So Without” Mean?

We all carry silent beliefs inside that were mostly formed in childhood. They happen when our minds are not developed, we are powerless, and our view of the world is immature. So the conclusions that we come to are irrational and emotional. And yet, these are the beliefs that unconsciously run our lives - especially during times of stress. Unfortunately, these beliefs hide in the shadows, so we aren't always aware of what they are. We can see clues by looking at our environment. That is where the universal truth "As within, so without" comes in handy. What does it mean? "As within, so without" means that what we see outside of us is also inside of us. There is no cookie cutter way to interpret what you see. The same situation...

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