defensiveness

Why Defensiveness is a Relationship Destroyer

If someone says something that we perceive as “You’re bad,” we generally respond in one of two ways: You’re even worse (attack). No, I’m not! (defense) Both of these are relationship destroyers. Most of us know that attacking leads to fighting and away from connection. In this article, I will discuss why defensiveness is a relationship […]

make every date a success

How to Make Every Date a Success

There is one thing you need to make every date a success. It’s not manners, grooming, a hot body, timeliness, nice clothes, or straight teeth. It’s authenticity. Here is how this can help. You Know Right Away Whether or Not it’s Clicking If you are focused on authenticity vs. “Does she like me?”, you are […]

fairy tale romance

Why Your Fairy Tale Romance May End in Divorce

Did you know that a fairy tale romance, or soul mate relationship, has a higher chance of ending in divorce? Does that sound crazy? Yes, the National Marriage Project found that people who feel they’ve married their soul mate are 150 percent more likely to divorce than those who do not feel this way. Isn’t knowing […]

boundaries are not

What Boundaries Are Not

Is it Mercury in retrograde? Holiday stress? The full super moon? I am not sure, and I don’t suppose it matters what is causing the boundaries to be pushed. But you know what? it’s a good thing. It’s practice for strengthening them and making them healthier. You can’t fix what you can’t see. I’ve already […]

is it you

Is it You or Is It Me?

Do you ever scratch your head in confusion and say, “Is it you or is it me?” Of course! We all do. But how do you figure out the answer? Here are some steps that can help. Get Mindful If you want to see a situation clearly, you have to remove the things that make […]

sexual assault

Is this Sexual Activity Okay?

If a topic appears on my blog, it’s almost always because it is about something I’ve seen repeatedly, said repeatedly, or been asked about repeatedly. With sex becoming more and more casual, there is a lot more grey area about what is and what isn’t appropriate. I hope that this article clears some of that […]

talk to me

Why Won’t You Talk to Me?

Do you ever want to shake someone and say, “Why won’t you talk to me?” Do you have to repeat yourself? Have you ever wished that your partner, family member, or friend would just pay more attention? This might be one of those times when it’s appropriate to say, “It’s not you. It’s me.” Hear […]

relationship

Help! I Can’t Get or Keep a Relationship!

Do you have trouble forming close relationships? If so, this is almost always because you either have a wall around you or you’re trying to have a relationship with someone who has wall (or both). What’s a person with a wall look like? says he wants intimacy, but avoids intimacy and close relationships has few […]

door number three

If You’re Stuck, Try What’s Behind Door Number Three

When we are stuck, we can almost always see two options. The first is the “obvious” one that involves change. The second is doing what we’ve always done. For some reason change isn’t appealing. Usually it involves a compromise with some gains and some losses, and the losses are more than we really want to […]

boundaries

Why People with Unhealthy Boundaries Are Scary

I’ve seen a lot of articles written about boundaries that focus on the person with poor boundaries. Boundary violations and weakness affect not only the person with the unhealthy boundaries. People with unhealthy boundaries are scary for those they come in contact with, too. So let’s take a look at how unhealthy boundaries impact other […]