Miracles Are Possible When You Change Your Expectations
What we expect has so much to do with how we think and feel. Expectations take us out of the Now. When that happens, we can’t enjoy or respond to what is here. ...
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coping
How to “Take Responsibility For What’s Yours”
In my previous post, I said that one way to reduce relationship friction is to take responsibility for what's yours. This is a part of having great boundaries and being effective. But what does this look like exactly? "Taking responsibility" means that you're taking charge of a situation and doing what needs to be done. It's very common for some people to play the Hero, Rescuer, or Mother role and do things for others or over give. "What's yours" means allowing others to fight their own battles, clean up their own messes, and do their own growing. If it's yours, own it. Everyone needs to grow up. It's natural. If you aren't taking responsibility for what's yours, you are short changing yourself of the benefits of your life experiences. Here...
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How To Create a Truce in Stormy Relationships
If you are in a stormy relationship that you want to grow into a healthy one, it may be useful to call a truce. Here are some ground rules that you can consider adopting while in your truce so that you can function together while working things out. The guidelines are meant to create a space of safety and willingness to negotiate. If there is a little peace, perhaps all parties will be motivated to sustain it. So the goals are to refrain from creating more problems, don't stir up old problems, and build on the love that is the foundation of the relationship. The Don't List No blaming. Blaming is destructive and has no benefits. When you blame, you give all your power away and become a victim. Someone else...
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Five Reasons You’re Stuck (And What To Do About It)
Are you spinning your wheels? Can't get any traction to move on? Here are five reasons why you're stuck that can help you get going again. Did You Feel Your Feelings? Sometimes people hit a rough patch and do the stiff upper lip thing. They pretend it didn't matter, it didn't hurt, and stuff it all inside. Maybe they even convince themselves that they have no feelings about it. Feelings want to move. They have to be expressed. When they are bottled up, it prevents us from feeling the hurt, but it also prevents us from feeling everything else. The only way to keep moving is to let yourself go through it. Feel it. Take your time. It will last as long as it lasts, but it does end. You may think...
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How To Express Anger in Healthy Ways
Let's face it. Everybody gets angry sometimes. It's not a "bad" thing. It's a natural thing that alerts us when we feel our boundaries are being violated, we're not being seen or heard, or we sense that things are not fair. It's the juice that spurs us to action so we can make things right. When we express anger in healthy ways, it helps us to reach that goal. The problem is, anger has a bad rap. So many of us think that being angry is a sign that we're "bad" or out of control. Or maybe we're afraid to be angry because it will make other people not like us. Anger isn't the problem. Emotions are normal. However, the way that we express anger could be problematic. If our parents...
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Hope For Hurts That Never Heal
"I'll always feel this pain" are words I hate to hear. They feel like the person is resigned to live with pain - like there is no hope. Guess what? There is hope for hurts that "never heal." When I see people who tell me they will never heal, there is one of two things going on: either they don't want to heal or they don't know how. I Don't Want to Heal Everybody is not ready to heal. Healing can feel like a scary place. If the emotional hurt came from a betrayal or death, healing might represent accepting life without that person. That can be too much to bear. If the pain came from a rape or domestic violence, healing could feel like giving the perpetrator a pass. Healing from the impact...
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How to Tell If You’re Projecting Your Stuff Onto Someone Else
Projection is putting our thoughts, feelings, or fears on to someone else. It's what we do when we are in Shadow. We do it because we're uncomfortable with something within us. We want to get rid of that thing, so we give it to something outside of ourselves. If we want to be healthier people, it's good to know how to tell if you're projecting yourself onto someone else. Before I talk about that though, let's look at some examples of projecting so that we can spot it. Examples of Projections I am attracted to someone I think it out of my league so I talk badly about him. (I'm projecting my fear of not being good enough).I am attracted to someone who doesn't appear to be attracted to me, so I...
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Top 3 Ways to Destroy Trust
Healthy relationships thrive in an environment of trust. Whether we're talking about parent/child, teacher/student, neighbors or lovers, we all feel better and more connected where there is trust. Unfortunately, we may have learned behaviors that destroy love and don't even know it. Or maybe we were hurt in the past and adopted coping strategies to keep us safe. That safety comes at a cost of weak boundaries or weak trust. Could this be you? Keep reading the Top 3 Ways to Lose Trust and see! Be Inconsistent Have you ever met someone who does what he says he will only sometimes? Or he is playful and fun sometimes, then is grouchy and unapproachable the next day? Or maybe he is all in favor of a "great idea" one day and then second...
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35 Self Love Quotes to Pick You Up
Who doesn't love quotes? Quotes encapsulate an inspiring thought that can motivate you, remind you of your purpose, remind you who you are, and keep you going. Self-love has to be cultivated. It comes from your thoughts and your habits. If you need some help getting there, enjoy these 35 self love quotes often. Revisit them when you're beating yourself up, feeling down, or you're feeling good and want to keep riding that wave. When you find the one that really speaks to you, make it your mantra. "Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept." ~ Anna Taylor “Act as if what you do makes a difference....
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Why Am I Betraying Myself?
If you think about it, there are two main reasons why people betray themselves. 1) for approval and 2) to belong or fit in. It can make you feel like you walk around wearing a mask. Neither feeling is generally worth the loss of self that it costs you. Acting for Approval Everybody enjoys approval. We all want to feel that we are good, competent, kind, and valued. However, when we need it, it becomes problematic because the power over our happiness always lies in someone else's hands. The person wielding the power can feel manipulated or obligated to care for you. That can feel like a burden. And you can feel slighted when you don't get approval when and how you want it. Both people can end up resenting the other. What you...
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