Healthy relationships thrive in an environment of trust. Whether we’re talking about parent/child, teacher/student, neighbors or lovers, we all feel better and more connected where there is trust.

Unfortunately, we may have learned behaviors that destroy love and don’t even know it. Or maybe we were hurt in the past and adopted coping strategies to keep us safe. That safety comes at a cost of weak boundaries or weak trust. Could this be you? Keep reading the Top 3 Ways to Lose Trust and see!

Be Inconsistent

Have you ever met someone who does what he says he will only sometimes? Or he is playful and fun sometimes, then is grouchy and unapproachable the next day? Or maybe he is all in favor of a “great idea” one day and then second guesses or abandons it the next? This guy is inconsistent and can’t be trusted. It’s hard to know where he stands from one moment to the next, so he’s not a great bet as an employee, friend, or lover. You never know which face will show up from day to day.

Inconsistency creates confusion. Confusion leads to a loss of trust. If you want to build trust, mean what you say, say what you mean. Do what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it.

Acting From a “Me” Space Instead of a “We” Space

Trust is the foundation of relationships. It’s a way of being vulnerable and saying, “I can turn my back and know that you’re watching out for me.” When one of the players isn’t doing that because he’s thinking only of how things impact him, trust can’t exist. Trust isn’t about what happens in plain sight. It’s about what is going on that we can’t see. It’s about knowing that each person has awareness, respect, and care for how their decisions impact the other.

Over giving isn’t healthy either. This has to be a healthy balance of me and we or else we can lose ourselves. When you are as fair as possible to both parties, you’ve found the sweet spot.

Withholding Information

People have a right to full disclosure about things that impact them. They have a right to make choices with all available information. When we withhold this, it’s a form of manipulation and control because it puts the person without the information in a position of lowered power or status. Sharing data, thoughts, and feelings brings us closer. It engenders trust.

Lots of people have trust issues. Maybe your parents weren’t particularly consistent. It could be that your past partners cheated on you. Maybe you’re afraid of not being liked or losing someone. So you over think things, engage in self-sabotaging negative talk, or just don’t open up and let people get to know you.

Relationships are a risk. They require vulnerability to thrive. If this is a problem for you, reach out to someone who can help. Change your life so that tomorrow can be different.