shame - Laura Giles, LCSW
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shame Tag

healing the shame of abuse

Healing the Shame of Abuse

Posted on April 16, 2023
in coping, emotions, trauma
by Laura
1 Comment

When it comes to healing the shame of abuse, the biggest hurdle is breaking through the idea that the abuse is somehow our fault. The experiencer seems to feel that they should have, and could have, prevented it. If they hadn't done this, or had done that, it wouldn't have happened. So, the abuse must be their fault. In this article, I will give you lots of ways to think about abuse in a different way. I hope that this will help you to begin healing the shame of abuse. Know That It's Not Your Fault The first thing to know is that the abuse is not your fault. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. A naked woman lying in the street is not an invitation to rape. Leaving your keys in...

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healing toxic shame

How to Heal Toxic Shame

Posted on February 19, 2021
in coping, emotions, problem solving
by Laura
0 Comments

Shame happens when we perceive we have done something wrong and someone else witnesses it. Instead of seeing the behavior is wrong, we believe that we are wrong, bad, defective, unworthy, or don't deserve love. Unlike guilt, shame requires a witness to exist. For example, if I believe that stealing is wrong and take something that doesn't belong to me, I will feel guilty. I won't feel shame unless and until someone knows I've stolen. Toxic shame puts us in shadow. We forget, if we ever knew, that we're creative, brilliant, worthy, amazing, daring, trustworthy, good, sexy people. Nothing can convince us otherwise because when we look out into the world, all we see is proof of our depravity. Stop the Crisis The first step to healing from anything is to...

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what causes toxic shame

What Causes Toxic Shame?

Posted on February 18, 2021
in coping, emotions, trauma
by Laura
0 Comments

Sometimes I get clients who are really nice people, they seem honest, and really want to feel better, but they just don't budge. Almost always the underlying reason is toxic shame. They have a deep belief that they are bad, and they don't deserve to feel any better. That's utter nonsense, but thoughts are reality. And until they believe it, they can remain stuck. Everyone has a beautiful light inside. Sometimes we let poor choices overshadow it and we forget to let it shine. Or sometimes we grow up in invalidating environments and the people around us throw so much shade that we don't learn that it's there. Whatever the reason, we don't have to live with it. Every day is a new opportunity to have a different life. We just...

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Do You Suffer From Toxic Shame?

Posted on February 18, 2021
in emotions
by Laura
0 Comments

I've never had any client come into my office saying, "I suffer from toxic shame." In fact, a lot of people don't know what it is or that it's a problem. They think of it as something "normal" or "not a big deal." Toxic shame can keep you from living a vibrant, healthy life. So let's take a look at it. Guilt Is Not The Same Thing as Shame Guilt is the unpleasant feeling that happens when you don't live up to your values or other people's expectations. For example, if I like being perceived as reliable, and I say that I will do something and don't do it, I may feel guilty about it. If I want my mother to think well of me, and I forget all about her birthday,...

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