coping - Laura Giles, LCSW
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coping Tag

How Resilient Are You?

The man asked an Arab sheik what kind of car he drives, and he replied, "A Mercedes." He then asked what kind of car his son drives, he said, "A Land Rover." When he asked what type of car his grandson would drive, he said, "A camel. Soft times create soft people. Hard times create strong people." If you have ever struggled with a cashier who can't make change, a customer service agent who can't answer your question, or a supervisor who can't write with correct grammar and punctuation, you can see the results of soft times and abundance on our society. Maybe you are even one of the people who have become soft as a result of having too much given to you. Maybe you're not very resilient. How does this happen? Well, we...

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what's your princess

What Is Your Princess?

When working with someone new, one of the first questions that I often ask is, "What is your princess?" If you think about the fairy tale template, it's pretty much the same from story to story. The prince sees a lovely maiden and wants to be with her, but there is a terrible obstacle. It could be a curse, a dragon, poverty, or a geographical impasse like a volcano. If the prince can't overcome the obstacle, the princess is forever out of reach. It's important to know what your princess is when starting holistic therapy because we all need something to keep in front of us that keeps us going. So, your princess has to be something compelling or else you may turn and walk away when the going gets tough....

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bend, not break

How to Bend, Not Break

Most people endure at least one traumatic event in their lifetimes. Some have many. If you work in a high stress environment, like a hospital mental health care, the police force, or an incarceration facility, an overloaded nervous system could happen on a daily basis. So what makes some people bend, not break? The key to understanding this has to do with orientation towards time. Positive Relationship to the Past People with a higher level of resilience have a healthier relationship with the past. Although their past may not have been totally rosey, they reminisce, have more positive than negative memories, and feel that some good came out of the bad. People with a positive relationship to the past are more likely to honor traditions, eat with their families, have long, strong...

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Do You Suffer From Toxic Shame?

I've never had any client come into my office saying, "I suffer from toxic shame." In fact, a lot of people don't know what it is or that it's a problem. They think of it as something "normal" or "not a big deal." Toxic shame can keep you from living a vibrant, healthy life. So let's take a look at it. Guilt Is Not The Same Thing as Shame Guilt is the unpleasant feeling that happens when you don't live up to your values or other people's expectations. For example, if I like being perceived as reliable, and I say that I will do something and don't do it, I may feel guilty about it. If I want my mother to think well of me, and I forget all about her birthday,...

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stuck

Five Reasons You’re Stuck (And What To Do About It)

Are you spinning your wheels? Can't get any traction to move on? Here are five reasons why you're stuck that can help you get going again. Did You Feel Your Feelings? Sometimes people hit a rough patch and do the stiff upper lip thing. They pretend it didn't matter, it didn't hurt, and stuff it all inside. Maybe they even convince themselves that they have no feelings about it. Feelings want to move. They have to be expressed. When they are bottled up, it prevents us from feeling the hurt, but it also prevents us from feeling everything else. The only way to keep moving is to let yourself go through it. Feel it. Take your time. It will last as long as it lasts, but it does end. You may think...

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feeling frail

How to Cope When You’re Feeling Fragile

Everybody hits a wall sometimes. It's that feeling you get when you need something or someone to hold on to. You feel that you're out of gas and don't have one more smile, conversation, or "atta girl" left in you. Maybe you don't know what to do. Maybe you do, but you just don't have the energy to do it. Before we talk about what to do when you're feeling fragile, let's first look at what might cause this. What Leads to Feeling Fragile? Here are some common things that can lead to feeling fragile. death breakups of friendships or relationships or fear of lossmoving away from what's known, comfortable, and connectedsocial distancing or isolationhealing from traumaspiritual breakthroughsfeelings of loneliness, fear, guilt, jealousy, or shamejudgments of being unworthy, bad, unlovable, being sick, physically...

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face it

What to Do With Adversity? Face It. Feel It.

Gone With the Wind is a fabulous movie. It’s a timeless look at humanity. One of the strongest scenes is when Scarlett is seen in the arms of her brother in law, Ashley. Her husband, Rhett Butler, won’t allow his disgraced wife to hide. He demands that she go to Melanie’s party and show her face. It’s a great example of how to deal with fear, shame, guilt, humiliation, grief, or anxiety. You just face it. Feel it. Put on your best dress. Do your hair, nails, and make up and stand in your truth. Pain is a great teacher. It can’t teach you if you hide it or run from it. In Gone With the Wind, by facing down the gossip, Scarlett saved her reputation. The gesture said, “I am here!” and...

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