How to Heal Toxic Shame

How to Heal Toxic Shame

Shame happens when we perceive we have done something wrong and someone else witnesses it. Instead of seeing the behavior is wrong, we believe that we are wrong, bad, defective, unworthy, or don’t deserve love. Unlike guilt, shame requires a witness to exist....
What Causes Toxic Shame?

What Causes Toxic Shame?

Sometimes I get clients who are really nice people, they seem honest, and really want to feel better, but they just don’t budge. Almost always the underlying reason is toxic shame. They have a deep belief that they are bad, and they don’t deserve to feel...
Do You Suffer From Toxic Shame?

Do You Suffer From Toxic Shame?

I’ve never had any client come into my office saying, “I suffer from toxic shame.” In fact, a lot of people don’t know what it is or that it’s a problem. They think of it as something “normal” or “not a big deal.”...
Miracles Are Possible When You Change Your Expectations

Miracles Are Possible When You Change Your Expectations

The overwhelming theme for me this week is to pay attention to my expectations. What we expect has so much to do with how we think and feel. Expectations take us out of the Now. When that happens, we can’t enjoy or respond to what is here. So, we end up not living our...
How to “Take Responsibility For What’s Yours”

How to “Take Responsibility For What’s Yours”

In my previous post, I said that one way to reduce relationship friction is to take responsibility for what’s yours. This is a part of having great boundaries and being effective. But what does this look like exactly? “Taking responsibility” means...