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Author:WorldPremier

what are you saying

What Are You Saying?

Have you ever thought about what you are saying? Word are meant to communicate things, but what are you communicating? Words help us exchange information, create connection, or change status or mood (either up or down). Exchanging information is useful. If you want directions, feedback, instructions on how to do something, you have to ask questions of people who have answers. Exchanging information helps people be more efficient, grow, and become more capable. This is a head centered way of speaking. Using words to create connection is a heart centered way of speaking. These words are usually sweet and caring and open the door to engaging in the relationship. Without this type of communication, we don't have meaningful relationships, a sense of community, or intimacy. It's not just the words that make...

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30 days no contact

When To Go “30 Days No Contact”

There are times when you just need to take a break from your relationship or you family. For those times, there is "30 days no contact." So, let's talk about what that is and why and how you do it. What is 30 Days No Contact? 30 Days, No Contact is just what it sounds like. It's a planned time out of 30 days that involves no phone calls, texts, emails, or visits. You can't drop lunch by outside the door. You can't send messages through third parties. There is no checking up on them to make sure they are okay. Your friends or family can't do that for you either. This is time for you to focus on you, not them. Why Do 30 Days No Contact? 30 Days, No Contact is...

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goodness

Toxic Goodness: Why Your Goodness Hurts You

Is there such a thing as toxic goodness? Can you ever be "too good." Isn't goodness universally, well, good? Anything that is out of balance can be harmful. Let's take a look at why your goodness hurts you. Everyone grows up in a family that shows them what is expected. When we behave outside of those rules, we can be shamed or punished. For example, if we share our toys, we are praised and given positive attention. If we don't, we might be scolded and corrected. Worse, we may be told we are being bad. Since we all have a desire to belong and no one wants to be negatively judged, we learn to toe the line. In addition to family rules, there are social rules that vary from place to place....

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no closure

Moving On When There’s No Closure

Moving on when there is no closure is hard. This can happen when: someone diessomeone ghosts youwhen there is a bad relationship break-upthere is a sudden disappearance (runaway, kidnapping? sex trafficking?) where a crime is suspectedyou're unexpectedly fired Closure is important so that we can understand what happened. When we care about a relationship, we need answers to help us make sense or things - whether we like those answers or not. It allows us to accept so that we can move on. When we don't have closure, it can feel traumatizing. Life can freeze frame in that spot. It's like we have no hope of ever resolving our conflict, getting the approval we need, being forgiven, ever feeling the way we did at our most amazing again, achieving our...

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new beginnings

New Beginnings Are Often Disguised As Painful Endings

Full moon eclipses are times of massive upheaval. They can dredge up old, forgotten stuff or things you've been avoiding. It's Nature's way of giving us a push to get on with it. The things to remember about times like these is that "New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings." ~Lao Tzu So we can focus on where we've been and what we're leaving behind, or we can focus on where we are going. The ride tends to be more enjoyable if we look ahead. Everything in life ends: kindergarten, labor pains, toothaches, first kisses. Positive or negative, nothing lasts forever. We experience endings and beginnings all the time and survive them. When we realized this, it may make the next one easier. It may not make the experience less painful,...

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all love is love

All Love is Love

So much pain in this world comes from the perception that there is not enough love. People don't see love because it doesn't come in the package that they think it should come in. There are so many qualifiers for types of love that we can miss it while we're standing in a sea of it. If you want shift your relationship with love, learn to see that all love is love. Love is an energy that just wants to flow. It doesn't care if you direct it towards your plant, boots, mother, baby, lover, or God. It isn't a lower quality love if it doesn't rage within you or it's expressed in small acts of kindness. All love is love. Love doesn't care if you send it out and the object...

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bend, not break

How to Bend, Not Break

Most people endure at least one traumatic event in their lifetimes. Some have many. If you work in a high stress environment, like a hospital mental health care, the police force, or an incarceration facility, an overloaded nervous system could happen on a daily basis. So what makes some people bend, not break? The key to understanding this has to do with orientation towards time. Positive Relationship to the Past People with a higher level of resilience have a healthier relationship with the past. Although their past may not have been totally rosey, they reminisce, have more positive than negative memories, and feel that some good came out of the bad. People with a positive relationship to the past are more likely to honor traditions, eat with their families, have long, strong...

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what's right

What’s Right With Your Life?

We can be so conditioned to focus on what's wrong, growing, and fixing things that we forget to acknowledge what's right. So let's take a moment to pause and reflect on what's right with your life. When we do this simple, little practice, we our mental landscape can change. There is a zen story that illustrates what I mean. There once was a young man who was really unhappy. All he did was complain all the time. He heard of a zen master in the next village and decided to go see if he had a way out of his depression. When the young man arrived, he said, "No matter what I do, I always have problems. I can never get away from them, and it makes me perpetually sad." The...

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leaving an abusive relationship

What You Need to Know Before Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Leaving any relationship is not easy. When the relationship has been abusive, there are special emotional considerations that don't come with your run-of-the-mill breakup. Here are some things you need to know before leaving an abusive relationship that may make the break more bearable. It's Not Your Fault Your partner may have a habit of blaming you for things that go wrong. You may be wondering what you could have done differently to make the relationship easier. Whether your partner is blaming you or you are blaming yourself, let that go. It's not your fault. Abuse is a maladaptive way of relating that is hurtful and unhealthy. Nobody makes another person behave that way. It's a choice. You Can't Change Your Partner Along with shouldering the blame for the abuse, many victims say that...

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