Being easy to live with opens up so many opportunities in your life. It makes you happier, the people around you happier, opens up possibilities for job opportunities and relationships. There are so many other benefits as well. Let’s take a look at the qualities you need to be easy to live with.
Keep Things Light
We all know someone who takes things way too seriously, right? They have to look perfect, be prepared for everything, be on time, be well liked, have everything in order, etc. While all that is well and good, when you allow yourself and others wiggle room to breathe, you won’t carry a lot of stress in your body. Since humans co-regulate (meaning we feel each other’s feelings), your relaxed body creates an atmosphere of ease that everyone can enjoy. After all, in most cases, none of the things we stress over really matter that much.
Adopt a Growth Mindset
A “growth mindset” is one that is open to learning. Nothing is fixed. If you want to improve upon something, it’s not only possible, but you take the time to do it.
Having a growth mindset makes us more compassionate because we know what it’s like to not know something, to struggle, fail, and also to succeed. We don’t expect perfection of ourselves or others because we know that we’re all works in progress.
Practice Healthy Boundaries
Practicing healthy boundaries is vital too. Clearly articulating your needs and respecting the boundaries of others establishes a sense of safety and comfort in shared spaces.
Healthy boundaries are also about respecting that the other person has a right to say no. It’s about negotiating openly and fairly, not hiding vital facts or skewing things in your favor so you get what you want. We’re transparent, not manipulative or sneaky. When everyone knows where they stand and participates honestly, both parties feel good about the connection and want to continue it.
Skew Your Views to the Positive
Alright, so everything isn’t positive. War, rape, murder are definitely tragic. However, focusing on the negative and being a complainer is a downer. Focusing on solutions, opportunities, and hidden benefits make you and the people around you more cheerful. It moves you out of stuck places, which is important because negative emotions create disharmony between the heart and brain. This disharmony is associated with stress and dis-ease. The more ease you have, the healthier you are.
Mean What You Say. Say What You Mean
Honesty and reliability create safety and trust. You can’t have a healthy relationship without this. This gives you space to disagree, decline offers, and not always be available for others without creating harsh feelings because you show up in other ways that others can rely on.
It’s hard to let down your guard with people who are superficial. We all have a tender underbelly, and when someone is willing to show it, it helps us to feel less afraid, too. This doesn’t mean you have no filter. Vulnerability has a time and a place. However, being able to go there gives a feeling of closeness that we don’t get with people who are professional, distant, or superficial.
Be aware of other people’s feelings and values. If it takes you a long time to get ready, start early so you aren’t keeping people waiting. Reciprocate. If someone picks up the tab, treat them the next time. Validate that their feelings are important even if you don’t agree with their point of view.
People want to feel seen and heard.
Keep Your Judgments to Yourself
Unless you are asked, keep your judgments to yourself – especially if they are critical. Nobody likes to be told that they are wrong or bad. There is nothing more crushing than criticism. And while we do need this to grow, if you are not a teacher or are not being asked for this feedback, it’s not your place to give it. Not to mention that you could be wrong.
Learn How to Resolve Conflict
People who are easy to live with know how to resolve conflict in a way that focuses on the issue. They don’t take things personally. This keeps stress to a minimum and moves the relationship forward on a path of growth. Avoiding conflict eventually creates an impasse of unresolved issues that can’t be overcome. Fighting creates hurt feelings that may also eventually lead to an end of the relationship. Healthy conflict resolution leaves both parties feeling good about each other.
Easy going people can navigate life’s rough spots because they are resilient. Resilience isn’t about putting on a fake smile when you’re dying inside. It’s a true acknowledgement of tough times without allowing them to keep you down. It’s about hope. It’s using your skills (or developing the skills) and resources to pivot and either make the best of the situation, or improve it.
Being easy to live with isn’t something that some lucky people were born with. It’s something that can be cultivated. If you want to be more easy going, adopt some of these practices and let me know how your life improves.