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problem solving

dealing with racism

How I Am Dealing With Racism

There is a push for business owners to make a public statement to proclaim how we are dealing with racism by working to change systemic racism, educating ourselves about how to not be racist, and changing policies to more make services and work opportunities available to minorities and the disadvantaged. So here is my statement. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't really share my story because I'm private. It's not about me, and frankly, it's none of your business. So this is very uncomfortable for me. But when I was a child, other children used to ask me, "What are you?" I didn't understand the question. "What" is a word we use with objects. I would have thought it was obvious. "I'm a girl," I replied. "What are you?" I wasn't trying to be a wise ass....

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wrong diagnosis

Can’t Get Better? Maybe It’s the Wrong Diagnosis and Wrong Treatment.

I’m not a big believer in labels. I think that people live up to their labels. Most labels we give each other and ourselves aren’t very empowering, so I don’t like putting people in negative boxes. But even a stopped watch is right twice a day, and sometimes having a label is a good thing. Like when you’re diagnosing a mental illness. The wrong diagnosis leads to the wrong treatment. One of the most misdiagnosed mental illnesses is borderline personality disorder (BPD). People with BPD tend to be viewed as difficult. So, when I was an intern, I got a lot of the BPD clients because many people don’t want to work with them. Fortunately for me, I like difficult people! Give me a challenge! Because I’ve worked with BPD a long time,...

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functional wounded child

Are You a Functional Wounded Child?

What’s a functional wounded child, you say? Well, have you heard of a functional alcoholic? This is a person who is addicted to alcohol but is able to hide it by appearing to be able to do what needs to be done in life. A functional wounded child is much the same. This person may have a job, a relationship, and even be really successful. He just habitually acts from a place of woundedness. This keeps him from being as Effective, connected, or happy as he could be because his lens is clouded by pain. So, you don’t have to be disabled or struggling to be in your Wounded Child energy. You could be a functional Wounded Child. A Look at the Inner Child To put this into perspective, let’s take a...

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yearning for sovereignty

Yearning for Sovereignty

The young girl wants to spend time with her friends, choose her own clothes, and make her own career choices. She’s fighting with her parents who want her to do and be something else. A grown man doesn’t know who he is. When he was growing up, if he said he liked pink, his mom said, “You don’t want that. That’s a girl’s color.” If he said he wanted to be a waiter, his mom said, “No, you want to be a lawyer.” When he cried, his mom said, “You’re okay.” Now he’s unsure how to make a decision without consulting someone else. A worker hates going into the office because his boss nitpicks. Nothing is done right, on time, at the level of quality that his boss wants. No matter how...

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child abuse

What Does Child Abuse Look Like?

Schools closed for social distancing may take away some children’s only refuge from abuse. When a child is being abused at home, he may be too afraid to ask for help. He might not know that it’s an option. It’s up to the rest of us to look out for the children. We must keep our eyes and hearts open so that we may be of aid and comfort to the most vulnerable among us. What Does Child Abuse Look Like? Believe it or not, some people don’t know what child abuse looks like. They may have grown up with it and just thought that their behavior was “normal.” They reason that that is how some people parent.  So that there is no grey area, let’s look at some of the signs of...

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why we don't talk about our dreams

Why We Don’t Talk About Our Dreams

Dreams are a treasure trove of information! They are a free risk management tool that can make your life safer, more fun, and easier. Yet we don’t talk about our dreams – at least not outside the therapist’s office. Why? It Feels Self Indulgent Holding someone hostage while you divulge your nocturnal vision can feel selfish. It can seem like there is nothing in it for the listener. In our dream deprived/sleep deprived society, this could be so. We don’t spend a lot of time thinking about dreams nor do we value them. If this is what is stopping you, feel free to join my Facebook group. That’s all we do is talk about dreams. Your dreams will be appreciated there because they give everyone practice in learning the language of dreams. One more...

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How to Dream More

Dreams are the road to the unconscious. They can show you what is hidden from you. Dreams can direct you to your desires. They can warn you of danger. Your spirit ancestors and helpers can speak to you through your dreams. You can solve problems in your dreams. So, if you’re not dreaming, you may want to know how to dream more. Everyone dreams every night. The problem isn’t that we don’t dream. It’s that we don’t remember our dreams. Dreams have always been present. They are wired into the DNA of humans. They come whether we want them or not. It doesn’t matter to dreams if you are sleeping on a train, doing a sleep study, or are writing them down for your own personal use. They are just there. Dreams...

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Why Did I Do That?

Everyone has times in their lives when they say, “Why did I do that?” and just can’t figure things out. When this is you, try applying a behavior chain analysis to shed some light on things. Not sure what that is? Read on! A behavior chain analysis is a method for looking at linked things to find out more about it. It’s usually used to change undesirable behavior. Here are the steps for using one. Define the Problem Every behavior chain analysis starts with a problem. You have to have something to analyze. Examples of problems are: gossiping, overeating late at night, anxiety in social situations, quick temper when someone asks me something I am not prepared to answer, or panic attacks when I am overworked. The more specific you are, the more...

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Ten Pick-Me-Ups When You Don’t Have Time to Be Cranky

All emotions are normal. We all feel angry, happy, sad, worried, frustrated, cranky, and everything in between. But sometimes we don’t have the luxury of feeling what we are feeling. We just have to snap out of it so that we can focus and be effective. Here are ten pick me ups for when you don’t have time to be cranky. Get Outside Something about changing your environment can help change your mood. Going outside in the sunshine and fresh air is even better. Make it mindful. Tell yourself you’re going outside to breathe in a new attitude, then chill. Take a few minutes to let yourself be somewhere else. Enjoy it. When you go back to where you were, take the freshness with you. Smile Emotions are tied to physical states. Your brain...

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Three Keys to Wholeness: Love, Service, and Wisdom

People have been searching for wholeness for a long time. In recent years the trends for finding it have been through rebellion, escaping through drugs and alcohol, pursuing success (buying things and gaining titles), and living your passion. The key has never been, and never will be, somewhere out there. It’s always inside. You don’t need a guru to find it. You don’t need years of practice to obtain it. I will give you the three keys to wholeness right now. They are love, service, and wisdom. Love Unfortunately, we have a lot of ideas about what love is that have nothing to do with love. We confuse it with obsession, possession, insecurity, jealousy and other things that aren’t particularly lovely then blame love when it hurts. Love is none of those things....

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