pig pile

Nine Things I Learned from Cuddle Parties

I host Cuddle Parties because I encounter a lot of people who can use safe touch. I have recommended going to a professional cuddlist who does one-on-one cuddling, but that is too scary for many people. Group cuddles are a great alternative. The idea might sound a bit weird, but here are nine things I learned from cuddle parties.

People Have a Hard Time Saying Yes

Cuddle parties work by consent. You don’t get to touch anyone who isn’t a “yes” so in order to interact with another person, you have to give your permission. A lot of people have a hard time doing that. Cuddle Parties give you practice in a safe place so it becomes easier to do that in the rest of your life.

People Have a Hard Time Saying No

At a Cuddle Party we practice saying no – a lot. At first it’s uncomfortable or maybe funny. Then after a while it gets a lot easier. We’re often encouraged to “play nice” as children. That’s not the expectation at a cuddle party. No manipulation. No go along to get along. It’s all about what asserting your true boundaries.

Strong Boundaries Make You Feel Safe

Since you have to say yes or no to every request, nothing ever happens that you don’t agree to. Everything requires your participation. It’s such a freeing and empowering way to live! This practice can help you to love boundaries and become stronger in your every day life. It can also help you to see where you are either limiting yourself or giving away too much of yourself in your “real world.” This may give you incentive to make changes.

Pig Piling is Fun as an Adult Too

If you have lots of siblings, or played football or rugby, you probably pig piled as a child. A pig pile is where you just lay on top of other people and they lay on, over, and under you. Guess what? It’s still fun as an adult!

Cuddling May Lead to Better Sleep

After a cuddle party, I always sleep like a rock! Something is definitely happening in the brain or body that lasts beyond the cuddle time.

Giving Yourself Cuddle Time is Great Self Care

I notice that people get softer, more introspective, sensitive, and mindful at a cuddle party. It’s a great way to get in touch with how you are doing, what you want, allowing yourself to give and also to receive. No wonder there are so many fans. We live in a culture where you have to produce something in order to feel that what you are doing is worthwhile. Going against the grain is hard, but worth it.

Cuddling Leads to Self Discovery

You will see yourself at a cuddle party. Maybe it’s because you’re more mindful. Maybe it’s because you’re out of your comfort zone. It could be because you’re doing something intimate (but not sexual) with strangers. There are all sorts of reasons why this could be. You will definitely get to know yourself better if you’re paying attention.

Cuddle Parties are Good For Couples Too

Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean that you can’t use more cuddling! One of the problems in our society is that we think touch has to be sexual. It doesn’t! When you touch outside of sex, you increase happiness, connection, and are healthier. Having boundaries around touch can make touch and sex within a relationship better.

It’s Okay to Change Your Mind

One of the rules of Cuddle Party is that it’s okay to change your mind. There is an understanding that consent only exists until it doesn’t. Imagine if everyone understood this! There’d be no date rape and no misunderstandings. You might also go ahead and try more things because you know you always have an out.

If I’ve piqued your curiosity and you think you might want to try a Cuddle Party, I host one once a month. You can check the RVA Cuddle Party Facebook page to find out the date for the next event. Try it. You might love it.

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