defensiveness

Why Defensiveness is a Relationship Destroyer

If someone says something that we perceive as “You’re bad,” we generally respond in one of two ways: You’re even worse (attack). No, I’m not! (defense) Both of these are relationship destroyers. Most of us know that attacking leads to fighting and away from connection. In this article, I will discuss why defensiveness is a relationship […]

early warning signs

Early Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships

It’s a lot easier to not get into an abusive relationship than to get out once it’s started. Since abusive relationships don’t usually start out bad, it’s good to know the early warning signs to avoid getting deeply entangled. Let’s take a look at some of the common signs. Love Bombing If the relationship starts […]

after the affair

What to Do After An Affair

So, there’s been an affair. You want to repair your relationship, and you want to know what to do after an affair to make things better. Read on! First, a definition. “Affair” means that there has been a relationship outside of the primary relationship without the knowledge and consent of the other partner. It can […]

what's love got to do with it

What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Jane Austen was the queen of “What’s love got to do with it?” Perhaps that is why her stories still resonate a hundred years after they were written. Let’s take a look. There is no doubt that Mariane Dashwood and John Willoughby love each other. Love was not enough to make him stay with her. […]

vulnerable to an affair

Are You Vulnerable to an Affair?

Are you vulnerable to an affair? Any relationship can suffer from infidelity, but there are some factors that make cheating more likely. Let’s take a look at what they are. Marriage vs. Cohabitating Did you know that a study by Pepper Schwartz and Philip Blumstein showed that long term married people are less likely to […]

make every date a success

How to Make Every Date a Success

There is one thing you need to make every date a success. It’s not manners, grooming, a hot body, timeliness, nice clothes, or straight teeth. It’s authenticity. Here is how this can help. You Know Right Away Whether or Not it’s Clicking If you are focused on authenticity vs. “Does she like me?”, you are […]

you saw me

“You Saw Me!”

One day I was in conversation with someone who suddenly burst out crying and said, “You saw me!” In that moment it touched me how infrequently that happens. I was also struck by how important it is to be seen. How often do we give that to others? How often do we allow others to […]

fairy tale romance

Why Your Fairy Tale Romance May End in Divorce

Did you know that a fairy tale romance, or soul mate relationship, has a higher chance of ending in divorce? Does that sound crazy? Yes, the National Marriage Project found that people who feel they’ve married their soul mate are 150 percent more likely to divorce than those who do not feel this way. Isn’t knowing […]

rigid boundaries

You Might Have Rigid Boundaries If…

I’ve posted a lot about boundaries lately that focus on establishing barriers between oneself and others. As with most things, you can either have too little or too much. In this article, we will focus on what it looks like to have boundaries that are too rigid. Boundaries are learned. If we don’t learn how […]