Past Life Regression Trends

past life regression trends

Do you want to know the past life regression trends that I am seeing? Trends? Yes! Things change as people change. When Raymond Moody started talking about near death experiences, the stories were about going though a tunnel and being greeted by “angels.” Now some people are reporting shared death experiences where a living person experiences a loved one’s death with them. So, as our consciousness changes, so do our experiences. This is resulting in changes in how people experience their past lives, too. Let’s take a look at what’s new.

Incomplete Transitions

An increasing number of people are not fully crossing over when they die. Their past life selves are still with them. How can that be? Can a person reincarnate if their soul has not crossed over?

Many traditions believe that our souls have three parts. One of these parts can leave during times of trauma. In fact, some people believe that that is exactly what post traumatic stress disorder is, soul loss. The body can sustain the loss of this soul part, but not the other two. When this soul part is gone, we experience a loss of vitality, physical illness, mental illness, confusion, and other symptoms.

Some say a soul requires all three soul parts to exist in the physical plane. One one that can separate from the body while it’s still alive is the part of us that can manifest as a ghost. So when we don’t transition completely, the two other parts move on. If we reincarnate, we get three new parts to form a new soul. However, this lost soul part is still stuck in limbo, unhealed. Death doesn’t give us a “get out of jail free” card. All unfinished business must be completed.

Past Life Personality Attachments

I saw my first case of past life personality attachment about 8 – 10 years ago. They are fairly common now. This appears to be a case where your past life self didn’t make a complete transition after death and now you’re you with a side kick. Since this other guy hasn’t crossed over, he’s got a lot of baggage. Sometimes it can feel as if the past life personality is dominating the living person with their heaviness and their desires so that the living person no longer has the ability to make other choices. Sometimes it’s not a true attachment, but more of a heavy shadow.

Fortunately or unfortunately, this means that the helper has two clients – the past life personality and the current self. They may have two completely different needs. Unless the past life self can heal and move on, no real progress can be made with the current self. There just isn’t enough energy to make it happen. It’s like trying to hold water in a leaky bucket.

Dissociation

I am not sure if people are more dissociated or if more people have past life selves that experienced life in a dissociated state. Perhaps it’s both. Dissociation happens when emotions are too painful to experience in the body. It’s like watching life instead of living it. So you can report that someone put a cigarette out on you without having an emotional response to it.

In order to release emotional charges in this life or any other, you have to be embodied. Emotions live in the body. No body = no feeling and no release. It’s not intellectual. Knowing about an emotion doesn’t heal it. It has to be fully felt. The client and practitioners are partners in healing. I know of no way to wave a magic wand and make an energy or pattern disappear. It requires participation. If you’re not embodied, you can’t participate.

The bad news is that people who have attachments and/or incomplete transitions are often dissociated. This means that a traditional past life regression alone is probably NOT going to give this person the relief that they need. They need some type of other therapy first to get back in their bodies.

If you’re wondering, “Is this for real?” All I can say is, “I don’t know.” I am still on this side of the veil. Until I die, I won’t know what the other side looks like. This looks like a reasonable way to explain what is taking place based upon what clients report, what I see, and what is in the literature. I don’t know if the story matters as much as the results however. The results are that if the client with this problem works on the dissociation, then treats the past life personality, the current life self may then greatly improve or the problem may totally resolve. If not, usually it’s because the current life self also has separate issues that still need to be worked on. Tackling the client’s issues without doing this other work first is generally futile.

Living a Spiritually Debt Free Life

debt free

As a facilitator of past life regression, I can tell you that the number one thing that comes up in any session is spiritual debt or unfinished business. When you leave this world in debt, you don’t get a “get out of debt free” card. You accumulate debt. So when you come back again, you have to deal with the old stuff again. Only this time the burden is heavier. What do I mean?

Examples of Past Life Debt

Ineffective Emotional Patterns

Things like resentment, guilt, shame, low self esteem, feelings of unworthiness, superiority, and being stubborn come back with you. That might seem silly because why not just get a fresh start? Well, we might get a fresh start, then something kicks off that old pattern and we fall right back into old ways of being. It could be that a relationship breaks up that you never get over. Or maybe you get tired of being passed over for promotion and just give up. Or it could be an illness or birthday is a turning point. If you have made a sincere effort to shake an emotional pattern and nothing seems to work, it could be because it didn’t originate in this lifetime. Taking it out at the root is always more effective.

Sacred Vows

Be careful what you say! Words have amazing power that last beyond this lifetime. When you make an oath or vow to someone or something, it can tie you to something that you no longer want. If you lived in a monastery and took a vow of chastity, this could show up as a fear of sex or inability to find a romantic partner. If money is an issue, you may have taken a vow of poverty in a past life. This could have been due to church service or because you lived a life where money ruined your life. Some people who have trouble speaking their truth, singing in public, or have actual problems with their voice could have a past life vow of silence. Again this could have been made in service to the church or maybe something you said got you or someone else in hot water. Maybe you were a traitor who sold secrets. You could have said something in anger that you regret. More common sacred vows are informal things like “I will never leave you,” “I deserve to be punished,” or “I’m going to get you.”

Unrealized Dreams

Mark Twain said, ““Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.” This is true. We can carry these regrets with us beyond the grave. When we return, they can feel like passions or a ball and chain. If you have a drive to do something, live somewhere, or a fascination with a time period, it could be the old you trying to revisit that old passion. So live your dreams now while it still matters to you. Don’t pass it off to someone else.

The point of most past life regression is to reveal and resolve this past life debt. Our old selves will pressure us with sleeplessness, dreams, or other attempts to get our attention until we do what we have to do to set them free. Those old soul fragments can’t rest in peace until their unfinished business is complete.

Fortunately it’s pretty easy. Once the vow is known, you don’t have to actually hold yourself to it. You can simply release yourself from it and move on.  It might be something as easy as doing a little forgiveness or it could take some effort like practicing other behaviors. The biggest part of this healing work is desiring the change and believing that you deserve it. If you want to punish yourself for a past life crime, you can do that until you’re ready to let go of it. Or perhaps it’s resentment against someone else for something they did to you. Either way you’re in control over your sacred vows.

This means you’re also in control of your spiritual debt from this life. If you want to live well and die well, meaning dying debt free, do a daily assessment. Where are you today? What are you holding on to? Who do you need to forgive? What do you need to let go of? What dreams do you need to pursue now? How is your heart? Release all that you need to release today. Don’t wait until tomorrow or for retirement to do that cruise. Write that gratitude letter today. Call that counselor or coach now. Exhale.

None of us are promised tomorrow. Dying doesn’t relieve us of our soul debt. When you live a spiritually debt free life, every day is a good day to die. And we all want to live and die well, don’t we? So take inventory and start paying down that debt now.

Healing Past Life Energy

past life

After reading books on past life regression, some people think that healing is about experiencing a regression, remembering things from your past, and then the disruptive pattern disappears. That’s not really how it works. Here is a look at what healing past life energy is  really like.

Spontaneous Healing

Sometimes the disruptive pattern is at the surface. It’s causing problems because it wants to be recognized and released. Sometimes the person knows exactly what the pattern is. Sometimes it is hidden. It can be things like: choosing inappropriate partners, being irresponsible with money, the inability to commit, underachieving, giving up, having no self confidence, or indulging in anger.

When you experience regression, it’s like you are both here and there at the same time. (This is an important aspect of it. This is why having someone tell you what your past life was psychically is not as therapeutic as doing a regression). Having that dual perspective while in an altered state (another important component of healing) is sometimes enough to give you the clarity to break out of the pattern. When you have done enough personal growth work on your own before you reach this point, the energy that creates the repeating pattern is often broken spontaneously.

Resistance to Healing

Sometimes people come in for a regression out of curiosity. Maybe they don’t see is as a healing modality. Or maybe they aren’t ready to heal. Whatever the reason, they get the story, connect with it, and then hold on to it. For example, let’s say that “Sheila” has a session where she sees a past lifetime with her father. He is cruel and abusive in the worst ways. He doesn’t provide well for her so she goes hungry and cold. As a small child he makes her cook, clean, and tend the garden and livestock. He neglects her education. He beats her and verbally abuses her. Finally, he marries her off to a man who rapes and brutalizes her. Naturally she hates him.

When she sees all this in her regression, she comes away with an understanding of why her current relationship with her father is so contentious. However, she has no desire to forgive him or put it behind her. So, there is no healing.

This is the client’s choice. We all have free will. This is not some magic trick that descends upon the client regardless of whether she wants it or not. It’s an interactive process that requires willingness on the part of the client to receive the healing. It’s not wrong to decline. The healing will be there when she’s ready to accept it. It doesn’t matter if it’s today, ten years from now, or another lifetime from now. When she’s ready for the energy to dissipate, she has the ability to heal it through love and forgiveness.

If there is a conscious desire for healing, but the unconscious says, “No, you still don’t get it,” the healing will not happen either. The conscious and unconscious need to be in alignment. The energy that is keeping you stuck isn’t here to make you suffer. It’s here to make you learn. Letting go of the energy without getting the learning is not in your best interest.

Healing the Past While Exposing the Work of the Present

Sometimes regression heals the past energy, but there is still work to do in the present. For example, let’s say that “Guy” suffers from shame resulting from sexual assault. He finds out that this pattern started long ago in another life. He does many regressions and is finally able to release the energy of the triggering event and forgive his original abuser and himself. This neutralizes the energy that created the trauma, but it may not do anything for the trauma created in this life.

In a case like this, regression work opens the door for healing, but the person doesn’t have the habits or skills to live a healthy life. Going back to “Guy,” let’s say that his abuse in this life occurred early. He didn’t develop the skills to set healthy boundaries. He didn’t have positive role models. He didn’t have support. He didn’t have a lot of things that would allow him to slip into a healthy flow of life after the traumatic energy was gone. He has to develop those skills now. So his healing journey is just beginning.

Past life regression is not a “get out of jail free” card. It doesn’t absolve you from doing the learning that you have to do. It can make it easier to succeed though because you won’t have this unknown energy sabotaging your efforts.

It’s important to have realistic expectations of healing work. Past life regression can be a very useful and powerful tool, but it’s not a magic wand. You won’t leave a session under a “happily ever after” spell. You might have to do it a few times before you can relax enough to get a good flow of information. Even once the information begins to flow, your past may be complicated and not easy to unravel. You may need many sessions to release it all. Or maybe you need just one, but many follow up sessions of skill building and therapy to heal the present life. All this is normal. The books about past life regression just don’t often include this part.

If you’d like to try it, contact me for an appointment.

The Story is Not Important

story doesn't matter

Trust me when I tell you, the story is not important. Figuring it out, understanding it, or worrying about it won’t make it the pain or the story go away. It won’t make you heal from it. Understanding it doesn’t speed anything along. To illustrate this point, allow me to share a famous story as told by Thich Nhat Hanh.

The Buddha always told his disciples not to waste their time and energy in metaphysical speculation. Whenever he was asked a metaphysical question, he remained silent. Instead, he directed his disciples toward practical efforts. Questioned one day about the problem of the infinity of the world, the Buddha said, “Whether the world is finite or infinite, limited or unlimited, the problem of your liberation remains the same.”

Another time he said, “Suppose a man is struck by a poisoned arrow and the doctor wishes to take out the arrow immediately. Suppose the man does not want the arrow removed until he knows who shot it, his age, his parents, and why he shot it. What would happen? If he were to wait until all these questions have been answered, the man might die first.” Life is so short. It must not be spent in endless metaphysical speculation that does not bring us any closer to the truth.

Why is not important. Who did what to whom is not important. The story is not important. What is important is the pain and stopping the pain.

If you know that you are triggered by something (such as someone hurt your feelings; someone didn’t care about something in the same way that you did; or you can’t stop thinking about someone), you don’t have to rehash every detail of that to figure it out. There is nothing to figure out. You already have all the information that you need. That information is that you are holding on to something that hurts you.

Just release the trigger so that it no longer has the power to hurt you.

Stories give events context. That’s all. If jealousy is your trigger, you probably have many stories around that that highlight that for you. If insecurity is your trigger, you probably have a lot of stories about that. If it’s your weight, not feeling loved, feeling lonely, or feeling invisible, there are probably many stories around that.

The problem isn’t what others are doing to you. You have no control over others. What this situation is showing you is your work, your challenge areas. It’s about how are you going to liberate yourself from this thing that triggers you. When you look at it this way, being triggered becomes a gift because it shows you how you can grow beyond your current limitations. Becoming lost in your story keeps you stuck where you are.

When shot with an arrow, remove it. Engage in practical efforts to resolve the problem. Since you are in control of you, you have a really great shot at making a complete recovery. If, after that, you still want to understand the story, go back and investigate. I think you may find that it has lost its importance because the need to know tends to be a way to avoid healing. Once you have learned from your life, the story tends to lose all significance.

What Happened to the Soul?

soul

“Psyche” is Greek for breath or soul. “-ology” means the study of. Psychology, then, is the study of the soul. So what happened to the soul in psychology?

When psychology became a science about a hundred years ago, there must have been some recognition of the soul as an integral part of the human being- some understanding the that soul plays a part in mental health. Yet, by turning to science, we have moved completely away from looking at the soul and towards parts of the person that conform to the scientific method. We’ve look at things we can observe, draw correlations from, and prove.

Consequently, mental health treatment has focused on behavior, thinking, and correcting chemical imbalances in the brain through the use of drugs. These things do work. In some cases they work very well. In others they don’t work well at all because they don’t address the needs of the soul. If treatment is to be effective, it has to be holistic. It’s time we put the soul back into psychology.

Dream analysis, past life regression, trance work, and energy work are just a few of the methods that heal on the level of the soul. Your mind is in control over what information comes through, the pace at which you work, and the the healing images that you receive. You are in charge of what happens. Your worker is just the facilitator.

Some of this has been scientifically validated, and some of it hasn’t, but the therapeutic benefit is indisputable. Why? I believe it’s because they don’t try to stamp out symptoms. They invite the afflicted to embrace or go into them, to use them as a doorway to healing.

When viewed from the perspective, depression becomes your friend. Hoarding becomes your teacher. Shame is no longer a byproduct. Symptoms aren’t things to be hidden away anymore, but things that show you how your soul has fractured. What has been broken, can then be mended or made new. It’s a much healthier way to approach life.

It’s also very empowering because it teaches you to trust yourself. Your soul does not lie to you. It’s the higher version of yourself. It’s free of ego. It only shows you what it knows you can handle, so you are always in the cradle of safety. I often ask people, “Who are you?” They start to tell me what they do or what roles they occupy. No, that is not you. What is left when you strip all that away is you. When you have seen into the depths of your soul, you will be able to answer, “I am That” and know what that means.

If you are terrified that you may meet monsters there, that’s a valid fear. We’re not all sweetness and light. Everyone has a dark side. I think you may be surprised at what else you will find though. Thus far, there has always been enough love, forgiveness, and compassion inside of everyone to deal with whatever darkness we find. Who knows? You may come to find that confronting your darkness gives you the compassion to forgive it in others. You may even get to the point where darkness excites you because you know it means there is healing and growth around the corner.

If you are working hard at overcoming communication problems, managing stress, or removing anxiety from your life, maybe it’s time to ask yourself what happened to the soul. Relax into it and let your soul feel what it’s feeling and tell you its story. It could lead to enlightenment.

If you are not sure what I am talking about but are intrigued enough to give it a try, contact me. I’d love to see how I can help.

Past Life Themes

past life themes

When you facilitate as many past life regressions as I have, you start to see themes. These past life themes are great teachers if you look at them mindfully. Here are some of the most common ones.

“There are People Here, But I Don’t See Them”

During a past life regression, it’s common for people to have a sense that they are not alone, but they are not able to see who the other people are. They aren’t aware of their roles either. For example, they may have a vague awareness that they have children, but can’t tell how many or what gender they are. They may feel people in the house with them, but don’t know who they are. We actually go through this life like that too. Think about how many people you see in a day. Now how many of them did you actually see? How many did you connect with? How many of them are your family members and friends?

If you don’t connect with the people in your life, their presence becomes meaningless. It’s as if they aren’t really there. You don’t really benefit from having a spouse, children, or siblings if there is no connection with them. In today’s culture, it’s not uncommon for people to use people and love things. Love your people. It makes life so much more fulfilling and meaningful. If you are lonely, connect.

Poverty

The vast majority of people throughout history lived in poverty and powerlessness. If you have dreams of being a princess in a past life, that is quite likely a fantasy. Someone had to be a princess. It could have been you. Most likely you were one of the great unwashed like the rest of us. And you know what? That’s okay. Money isn’t what gives like meaning. If you can be present and happy when you are impoverished and disempowered, you have all the riches in the world. If you can be rich and powerful, that’s okay too. Money is no reflection of your value or level of happiness.

Pain

There reason why our minds take us to places of pain is because that is where the healing happens. We go to reclaim our lost soul pieces and heal those wounds. * Most people don’t see lifetimes of love and comfort because that doesn’t challenge us to grow. That’s a rest stop.

When we escape our pain or stuff it down, our souls fracture. Going back to the point of fracture allows us to do it again without fracturing so that we can learn from the pain and be whole again.

Reliving the Emotional Self

Although many people escape their unpleasant emotions by dissociating, abusing alcohol or drugs, shutting down and isolating, reliving past lives tend to be an emotional experience rather than one of doing. In other words, while we put a lot of emphasis in the here and now on what we do in this life, when we look back, the emphasis is on what we feel. It’s rare that people say, “Oh, I didn’t get to finish painting that fence!” or “I deeply regret not becoming a lawyer.” They say, “Oh, I was so stubborn!” or “I still withhold love when I am hurt by someone.”

It really doesn’t matter how much stuff you have, how high the quality of your stuff is, or what you really do or achieve in this life. The life of a carpenter is as valuable as the life of a brain surgeon. The work of a sculptor is as valuable as that of a priest because it’s not about what you do. It’s more about how you feel about what you do and what is done to you. It’s about living a life that reflects what you are. Being in a place of gratitude and love creates no karma and no soul fragmentation. Withholding, regret, fear, and anger can create soul fragmentation.

Sacred Vows

Sacred vows are things that we think or say with such emotion and conviction that they manifest as destiny. It’s basically the energy around the Law of Attraction. If I say something like: I will never leave you; I will always love you; I’m going to get you; I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again; Sex is dirty; Men can’t be trusted; Money is the root of all evil; Love hurts; I must sacrifice myself to help others; or I can’t forgive myself; you can create an energy path that follows you lifetime to lifetime until you release it. This can result in a perpetual Groundhog Day.

Not every life reveals a sacred vow. The easiest way to see them is to have many past life regressions. When you see three, four, or five lifetimes that you waste time punishing yourself, pursuing the same dream, or engaging in the same compulsive behavior, it becomes very obvious that you’ve suffered enough. The pattern no longer serves you, and it’s okay to let it go.

These past life themes tend to be common for most people. Your past life themes are going to reflect your current life challenges.  If you want to see your blind spots and retrieve your lost fragments of self, try past life regression. You may be surprised at how healing it can be. One you grow in self awareness and let go, your past themes do not have to be your future themes.

  • Note: It is sometimes useful for people to see lifetimes of comfort and ease, but this is rare. For example, one person who experienced this died young. The lesson was to seize the day and do something with his life before time ran out. Another person with  an absolute horrid history had the take away of “Life is not always this painful.” So it was a message of hope. This is extremely rare, however.

Ten Things I Learned from Past Life Regression

past life

You’d be amazed at how many people are interested in past life regression. There are times when I am doing more past life regression therapy than any other kind. It has the potential to be transformative and can help you to see into your blind spots. No wonder it’s so popular. Here are the top ten things I learned from past life regression.

Little Things Matter

Most often people who come to me for a past life regression aren’t doing so for therapy. They are just curious. When that is the case, we start with the intention to see that which is for their highest and best good. When we get to the “big reveal” and we ask, “What was I meant to learn from that experience?” we get things like patience, to let go of stubbornness, to stop being self-righteous, to share more, to stop withholding.

Little things matter. These poor interpersonal skills or poor habits create a lifetime of energy where love and happiness cannot flow. When you see how a habit of jealousy, anger, or regret negatively impacts your entire lifetime, you might be more willing to let it go. Past life regression makes these things very easy to see.

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You Are Everyone and Everyone is You

I mean that literally and also in the sense that, if you are prejudice against a certain group of people, make no mistake, you have been that thing that you despise. We are men sometimes and women sometimes. We are sometimes white, black, Asian, Indian, and everything in between. Sometimes we are poor, sometimes rich. Sometimes we’re educated and sometimes we’re ignorant. We are born into whatever circumstances will give us the best chance to learn what we came here to learn. One group isn’t “better” than another. However, one group is better for learning certain things. Don’t let circumstances determine how you feel about yourself or others. Differences only exist to help you through life. Work with it to learn and grow.

We all have preferences. There is nothing wrong with that. However, if you find that you have prejudices, my advice is to get familiar with what you dislike because it’s within you.

There is No Such Thing as Free Lunch

If you think you got away with cheating on your girlfriend, cheating on a test, or lying about something, think again. The universe keeps score. This doesn’t mean it’s going to hit you on the back of the head with a pay back. It just means that your subconscious does not let you get away with anything. It will create a situation where you will learn what it feels like to be out of alignment with your nature. And make no mistake. Despite whatever you think or feel about yourself, your nature is good. Your nature is love.

Life will give you the circumstances that you need until you learn that and live in alignment with it. It’s so much better to live in honesty and integrity with respect for yourself and others than to try to manipulate, trick, and control the world. It’s a reflection of the Law of Attraction. What you do, say, think, and believe comes back to you. If you want a happy, harmonious life, stack the deck in your favor by sending out love, peace, and prosperity to everyone so that you create it for yourself.

Growth is Not Linear

There is a common perception that you become wiser, more good, and more spiritual as you grow. The reality of it is that growth is not linear. The idea of “old souls” simply isn’t true. It’s not like you have a pile of baggage and as your load gets lighter, you appear wiser, more spiritual, or good. It’s not like each lifetime get easier or happier. You’re always in a state of removing and accruing baggage. Even when you remove a lot of baggage, there could be one in there that is really big, heavy, and dark. You can’t judge yourself or others based on what you perceive. In the 1400s, you could have been a saint, then in the 1500s, you could have been a murderer.

Why? Because circumstances are not a reflection of growth or what you deserve. You are born into the circumstances that will give you the best chance of growing beyond your present limitations. For example, let’s say that you have a sibling who is intellectually challenged and you tease him mercilessly. Consequently, you could be born intellectually challenged in your next life. Through this experience, you learn compassion. Or you could fall in love with someone who develops mental illness and loses her mind, then her life. Through this experience, you learn compassion. Or you could have some life experience that has nothing to do with intellectually challenges, yet you still learn compassion.

People want to judge and categorize. It’s human nature. I can assure you, though, things are not as they appear. Often people compare life as a school where you graduate to the next grade. It’s not really “advancement” in that way because the universe doesn’t view one lesson as more important than another. They are just lessons.

You are everything. Each lifetime reflects a different facet. Just because the one this time is dirty or clean, doesn’t mean the rest are. It also doesn’t mean that it has to stay the way it was when you were born.

Pain is a Great Teacher

I often see posts on Facebook that say something like, “Oh, Lord. Please take this pain away.” Be careful what you wish for! Pain is a great teacher. It motivates us to do something different. When life brings us a lesson the first time, it often whispers. When we don’t learn it, it can speak louder. When we still don’t get it, it can begin to scream. For example, I had a friend in college who was living way too fast and wild. He got many chances to slow down that he didn’t heed. He was heading towards jail, flunking out of college, and perhaps even suicide… until he was hit by a car and had to be in traction for six months. During those six months, he lost all his partying friends, reconnected with his family and spent a lot of time in contemplation. He used the time to think about his existence. He used the money from the accident (it wasn’t his fault) to rebuild his life and is now a very respected doctor. Had he not had that very drastic tragedy, his life may have been very different.

Learn from your pain. It is there to teach you. When you have learned what you need to learn, the pain often goes away. If not, it certainly becomes more bearable.

You Have Many Soul Mates

I hate to break it to you, but there is no such thing as your “one true love.” You may have found a special connection with someone. That exists, but it’s not because they were made for you and only you. A soul mate is simply someone with whom you’ve shared many lifetimes who has agreed to come back with you again. The purpose of this shared life is usually to teach each other something. Remember how I said pain is a great teacher? This tends to mean that your soul mate(s) and you will share difficult or painful times. So, if you are looking for a happily ever after “you complete me” type of relationship, you are likely to be disappointed. Your soul mate could be your mother, sibling, or boss. It could be one soul in this life and another soul in the next. You could have three in this lifetime. There isn’t just one.

Your Soul Mate Is Probably Not Your Forever Partner

If your soul mate is a teacher, doesn’t it make sense that sometime the thing you are meant to learn comes from loss? For example, let’s say that my husband and I are wildly in love and I can’t imagine life without him. I depend on him for financial reasons, emotional support, social connection – everything. He comes into my life to teach me independence. In order to do that, I lose him early through death. If I am going to live on, don’t I have to learn how to do those things for myself now?

Or maybe the situation is that he is still my everything, but we are different in that he’s a people person and I am a loner. I enjoy people when he’s around, but would otherwise not engage socially. Somehow we end up splitting up, and through that loss, I realize how much he brought into my life when we were with other people. Now I start to yearn for the company of others and learn that people are social creatures. We need each other. Through the loss of the relationship, I grow.

When you lose the thing you love, it gives you the opportunity to examine what you brought to the split and how your partner enhanced or detracted from your life (your soul mate could be a predator or abuser!). We all want to avoid pain, so it motivates you to change either so that your life can be the wonderful way it was, or so you can avoid losing someone else for the same reason, or so that you can avoid pain. Losing your soul mate is often part of the plan. When you are finished mourning it, learn from it.

You Do Get a Do Over

We often wish we had a do over in life. Something goes in a way that we don’t like and it’s too late to go back. In regression you see that when it matters, you do get a do over. Regret is like a programmer for the future. It sets in motion energy for you to revisit a theme and learn from it. Or sometimes it is a test to see if you really have learned from your mistake. For example, if you regret not getting to go to war, in a future life, you will face that choice again. If you mess up a relationship, you will face that same scenario again- perhaps not with the same person, but the theme will reappear.

Learning this has made me much more aware of my actions. I don’t want a do over. I want to do things right the first time. Doing things over feels like spinning my wheels – especially when you’ve seen your many do overs and failures. It also makes me more patient with myself. We just don’t all get it right the first time. Sometimes you have to bang your head against the same brick wall over and over. If so, you have as much time as you need to learn how to stop.

You’re In Control of Your Karma

When you bang your head against the same brick wall over and over, you eventually learn that it is you that is doing the banging. When you let go of the need to feel guilt, shame, anger, or regret – either towards yourself or towards something else – you release the karmic energy that keeps you bound to it. Karma is not created by what you do. It’s created by what you feel about what you do. That’s why Buddhists practice being nonjudgmental. This doesn’t mean you get to go out and be a psychopath with and wreak havoc with no conscious. It means that if you do something that society deems as “bad” without malice or negativity, it creates no karma. There is a great story that illustrates this.

Once two monks were walking and came upon a woman weeping by the riverside. She explained that there was no way for her to get across. She was too small and would surely get swept up by the rushing waters. One of the monks picked her up and carried her across, then they all went on their way. The second monk inwardly seethed for the rest of their journey. Finally, he turned to the first monk and said, “You know we are prohibited from touching women! You disobeyed the rules. How could you?” The first monk calmly replied, “I set her down by the riverside. You are still carrying her.”

So, you see. The first monk broke a rule, but without any ill intention and thus created no karma. The second monk obeyed the rule, yet he had so much negative energy about it that he created karma for himself that he’s going to have to work out. If you want to keep your challenges to a minimum, learn the skill of being nonjudgmental.

It Helps Whether You Believe in Past Life Regression or Not

Sometimes people want to argue with me over whether or not past lives are real. When it comes to the therapeutic value of it, it really doesn’t matter because you benefit from it either way. Maybe when the facilitator says, “Go back to when your problem first began” or “Go back to the time that shows what is in your best interest to know right now” your mind completely fabricates a story. So what? If you see your life in a new light that enables you to get beyond your current blocks, does it really matter? You don’t have to believe in reincarnation to benefit from past life regression. You just have to experience it. If you prefer to call it an imagination exercise, that’s fine. Who cares? It’s just a label. I wouldn’t get hung up on what you call it.

People can get hung up on the details. Life really isn’t about details. It’s about themes. If being around your mother-in-law, boss, or next door neighbor triggers you to over eat, the problem isn’t your mother-in-law, boss, or next door neighbor. It’s your pattern of coping through food. Past life regression can help make that crystal clear and also help you resolve it.

If you are ready to experience past life regression for yourself, please go to my appointment calendar and schedule an appointment. I’d love to work with you. It’s really fascinating work.

A Soul Mate is Not Your “One True Love.” A Soul Mate is a Teacher

soul mate

Ah, soul mates. Have you ever met that guy (or gal) with the dreamy eyes that just makes you forget all common sense? You can’t eat, can’t sleep, and can’t think about anything except being together again? When you are apart, you feel like half your soul is on vacation on another planet? Most of us call those people “soul mates.” Many feel that they are our one true love.

As a therapist and past life facilitator, it’s my opinion that this is one of the most destructive labels the emotion mind has ever concocted. Don’t take me for a cynic. I know it feels like they are your other half. I know there is an intimacy and synchronicity that comes with that person that other people simply don’t have. And yes, there are intense feelings. (They can be feelings of revulsion as well as attraction).  But, a soul mate is not your one true love. A soul mate is a teacher. Viewing it in that perspective often allows you to let go of a lot of expectations and pain that often comes with soul mate relationships. It makes it easier to receive the growth.

soul mateLet me explain. The ingredients of a soul mate relationship are: an unfulfilled sacred contract or karma, two or more people, and love.

A sacred contract is a promise made while dying or in the life between life stage. It’s a vow like I will always love you; I am going to get you; I won’t let you down again; I will never leave you.

Karma is a pattern of cause and effect that is maintained by an emotion such as passion, guilt, or grief. It can also be related to attachment or refusing to accept reality. It is released by forgiveness.

Two or more people are required to act out the necessary parts of the agreement or karmic relationship.

Love is the motivation for involvement.

Teaching is the purpose.

Now, let’s look at an example.

Jack always knew he would marry an Asian woman. When he saw Patricia, he knew she was the one. They had a fairy tale courtship and marriage. Jack felt like Patricia made him a better man. He even gave up his alcohol addiction for her. It was easy. He simply didn’t want to drink anymore. He just wanted to be with her.

Then, it slowly, secretly crept back into their lives. What started out as a slip here and there gradually blossomed into a raging habit. He hid it. Patricia trusted him so much that she believed his lies. Even when his stories didn’t make much sense, she left her common sense at home. When Jack called from jail needing to be bailed out for a DUI, the story came out. That’s when Patricia discovered the debt, the health problems, and other unethical things Jack did while drinking.

Their world came crashing in. The fighting started. The marriage ended. And both were left wondering how it could end this way when they were so in love.

What could the sacred contract be? It could be “I will love you no matter what.” They could have set up this arrangement to test the sincerity of the vow. It could be, “I don’t deserve your love.” This could have been arranged before their lives to validate that belief. It could be, “I will be a better person for you.” This life could be a way to test that.

What could the karmic pattern be? It could be that they fight and split up. It could be that one lies and the other refuses to face the truth. It could be that addiction always comes between them.

How is love the motivating factor for this? Think about it. What would compel you to go through something you knew would be hurtful to you and/or someone else? There would have to be a payoff, wouldn’t there? The payoff for participating could be your own growth, and indeed you would get the opportunity to grow from it. That could explain why you’d agree to be hurt, but why participate in being the perpetrator or mutual combatant? (There are always two players and no one is completely innocent).

I believe that motivation comes from love. Only someone who loved you very deeply would agree to hurt you. It may sound contradictory, but I don’t believe there are victims in the universe – only cause and effect. Only choice.

So, if this were your pattern, what might the lesson be? It could be to take responsibility for your own actions; trust yourself; accept the truth as it is; feel your feelings; give more love; receive more love; have healthier boundaries; be less judgmental. The story doesn’t matter as much as the emotional content. If the person feels more tweaked by the dishonesty, the lesson could be about telling the truth or hearing the truth. If the person feels more tweaked by the embarrassment, the lesson could be about being authentic, letting go of judgments, or taking responsibility for their actions. You can’t really tell by looking at the surface. The truth is in the emotions.

soul mateWhat do you do with all this? Learn. Grow. If you are in a relationship that leaves you feeling helpless and compulsive, be mindful. What patterns do you see? What are you resisting? What upsets you? How are you not being your highest and best self?

The lesson doesn’t have to be something earth shattering. It could be something as simple as I need to let go of self-righteousness, or I would be happier if were more open. If you lost your soul mate because of self-righteousness that would be a powerful motivator to learn that lesson, wouldn’t it?

So, how do you release yourself from the sacred contract or the karmic pattern? It starts with self-awareness. If you don’t know what you the lesson is, the contract or karmic bond will be maintained.

Next, do your work. If you need to let go, forgive, love, or move on, do that. When you have received the lesson, the contract is fulfilled. Your life can move on. It doesn’t matter if the other person heals. You don’t have to do it jointly. You have free will. The other person has free will.

Soul mates usually do not come together to have a long and loving life together. They usually come together to teach each other something – to unblock a barrier. If a soul mate has left a painful hole in your life, be thankful for the lesson. Pain is a powerful motivator to grow. Don’t let the gift be lost in your grief.

And if your soul mate is happily in your life, enjoy her. Love her. There is no rule that says you have to lose your love. Use your struggles to learn from your patterns and grow beyond your current limitations. If you can do that, you can take your love to even higher heights!

Seven Soul Mate Myths to Discard

kiss

One of the most damaging concepts to love is the idea of soul mates. The popular idea is that there is one person out there who is made just for you who will make your life complete. If you are wondering if you are going to meet your soul mate, let me put your mind at ease and tell you that much of what you may have been told is either blown way out of proportion, miscommunicated, or misunderstood.

How do I know? Because I have been doing past life regressions for over twenty-five years. It is one of the most common reasons why people do a past life regression. A lot is revealed during those sessions that help people get over their doubts, broken hearts, and fears. I’m going to share their discoveries with you so you can learn and grow too.

Here are the seven soul mate myths to discard.

1. Your soul mate is your one true love.

soul matesTrust me. When you see two, three, four or more lifetimes through past life regression, it becomes clear that there are many people you can deeply and completely love. There are many people you can have a happy life with. There isn’t just one that follows you from lifetime to lifetime. A soul mate is just someone that you continue to have karma with. That strong pull (it may be an attraction or aversion) is there to get your attention so that you have an opportunity to resolve that karma. It has nothing to do with whether or not you are meant to be together or whether you are each other’s “one true love.”

2. Love is easy with a soul mate.

Falling in love with anyone is often easy. Staying in love with your soulmate is as challenging as it is with someone with whom you don’t have that initial strong attraction. Dirty diapers, working late, money troubles, and family hassles happen for everyone. Stress happens. Routine happens. All relationships take maintenance, respect, and care to grow. “Happily ever after” only happens in fairy tales. And think about it. Would you really want that? How boring would life be if your partner never changed and every day was a bed of roses. Variety is the spice of life. A person who challenges you is good!

And truth be told, soul mate relationship are NOT easy. They tend to be bone crushingly hard. Your soul mate will likely shine a light on all the things you want to stay hidden. This hurts. It’s also a great motivator to get you to face it and deal with it. Our soul mates do love us, but that is not the primary purpose for coming into our lives. They are here to help us grow. Growth is not always easy.

3. Soul mates love each other forever.

My observation is that that strong attraction only lasts as long as the unresolved karma does. Karma is about balance. If you do something that creates guilt, fear, anxiety, or some other emotional debt (even love), that emotional debt has to be neutralized. For example, let’s say that “Bob” and “Mary” fell in love, but were forbidden to marry because they were from warring clans. They promise to find a way to be together, but before that happens Mary dies. Bob feels guilty that he “left her” and he vows, “I will protect you next time.” When they come together again, he is passionate about making sure she is fiercely guarded.

Now, let’s say that Mary is fiercely independent (as a result of her life being cut short last time, she wants to live fully). Bob is fearful of her being out in the world, so he responds by dominating and babying her. This upsets Mary and she eventually divorces him. They are both broken hearted. Bob eventually finds someone else and learns that he was a bit controlling. He now forgives himself and this releases of his vow to protect Mary throughout time. The karma is resolved and he doesn’t feel so strongly about Mary ever again.

This sounds simplistic, but this is actually quite typical of what I see. When people come to me suffering because of a broken heart, we don’t just discover the reasons why. We try to heal the hurt. When the wound is no longer open and bleeding, it heals. This doesn’t necessarily mean the love stops, but the compulsion does.

One more thing about this forever love, don’t most people who talk about soul mates say they loved and lost? You don’t see a lot of people living happily with their soul mates. The soul mate is usually “the one who got away.” Having a karmic bond does not mean you’re destined to be together or to love each other forever.

kiss4. My soul mate will stay by me no matter what.

Karma is definitely a strong drive to stay together, but even if your karma is unresolved, the love of your life may stop wanting to be with you if you are not behaving in a loving way. Don’t take your partner for granted and think, “He will never leave me” so I can be as mean, rude, inconsiderate, selfish, and lazy as I want to be. Everyone needs to feel connected, respected, and safe. We all want to have fun with our partner. We all want to be intimate, share things, and be intellectually stimulated by them. We like being able to give to them and receive from them. If you’re not being an attentive, present, considerate partner, you may end up flying solo. Free will is always in play.

5. Soul mates are rare. I will never find mine.

Soul mate relationship are not necessarily about love. They are about growth. That said, I believe that our ability to find a loving partner is directly related to our ability to love. The more loving you are, the more love you attract. The more you love, the more deeply you love. The more deeply you love, the easier it is for someone to love you the same way. Love is only as rare as it is within you.

6. I will know my soul mate instantly.

Most people who feel they’ve met their soul mate describe it as an instant attraction; however, as mentioned before, it’s not uncommon for one or both parties to start out with a strong dislike for the other. A slow burn is also a possibility. You may not know your soul mate until she is gone. Being present and self-aware goes a long way in helping to recognize the love potential in everyone.

7. Soul mates have the best sex.

If you believe this one, I hate to be the one to break it to you that your soul mate may be your mother, brother, teacher, or next door neighbor. Yep. The karmic connection may not be sexual at all. It is a love relationship in that the person agrees to come back and go through something with you to give you both a chance to learn and grow. Sometimes those lessons are very hurtful. The motivation is never revenge though. It’s always an opportunity for you both to grow beyond your limitations.

But what about when the soul mate relationship is sexual? Well, it’s just like any other couple. When you’re feeling connected, it’s more intimate. When you have a comparable sex drive and similar likes, both tend to be more satisfied. When you are rested and relaxed, that also helps. When those conditions are not present, sex can be routine, rare, or not so exciting.

So what’s the take away from all this? Soul mates are real people with the same human desires and needs as everyone else. They bleed the same, sleep the same, go to the bathroom the same, and love the same. When you put someone on a pedestal, they will eventually fail to live up to your expectations because no one is perfect. Idealizing love or your partner is a recipe for disaster. If you want to be happy in love, don’t worry about what could be “out there” somewhere, focus on what you have. Appreciate what you have. Be your highest and best self every day and that will be returned to you.

If you don’t have a partner, the same suggestion applies. Be your highest and best self every day. We all attract what we feel we deserve. Love yourself and love will come to you. Give up the fantasy ideal of a soul mate. Whether it happens for you or not, life is just as it should be.

Are You Being Haunted By Yourself?

haunted

The Christmas Carol is the fictional story of miserly old Ebenezer Scrooge.

He was haunted by the ghosts of his Christmas past, present, and future. They reminded him of who he was and where his path was leading to give him a second chance at making other choices. We don’t tend to associate Christmas with ghosts or hauntings with our own spirit, but this spooky time of year might be a good time to take a look at what lurks within our own psyche. We might find a ghost or two hiding there.

How Can We Haunt Ourselves?

Unlike Scrooge who looked only at his present life past, a self haunting discovers what spiritual residue from past lives remains that continues to influence your life. Examples of past life residue are unexplained phobias, like an intense fear of dogs when you can’t recall a negative experience with one or a dreadful fear of drowning despite never been in water deeper than a three foot pool. Past life residue can result in the carrying of medical issues or pain that no treatment can alleviate. The energy can be about having unfinished business. If you find yourself compulsively repeating patterns that don’t make sense in the here and now, you may have had a made a dying vowing like, “I’ll always love you,” “You’re going to pay for that,” or “This will never happen to me again!” that continues to play out in this life.

The groundbreaking work of Dr. Raymond Moody who studies near death and shared death experiences suggests that the consciousness continues after death and is met and transformed by what is described as “heavenly energy” or love. However, ancient yoga teachings say that our consciousness has four distinct energy fields: the vital field which carries the imprint of all unresolved physical wounds, pains and diseases; the emotional field which carries memories of unresolved emotional issues; the mental field which carries all obsessive or repetitive thoughts; and the spiritual field which belongs to the collective unconscious (according to Jung) and houses karmic ties of unresolved psychic or spiritual connections. (Dr. Ian Stevenson’s extensive work with people who spontaneously recall past lives has shown that many also carry the wounds of their deaths in the past life in their current bodies as birth marks. This evidence may support the idea of the existence of the vital field). When we reincarnate, the energetic imprints of those past life fields come back with us for better or worse!

How Can You Tell If You are Haunted?

If you have any of the following signs, you may have unresolved past life energy lingering around:

  • De` ja vu, strong compulsions or feelings about a person, place or thing. Feeling inexplicably drawn to someone or something.
  • Mysterious illnesses or pain that don’t respond to treatment.
  • Phobias or unexplained fears.
  • Recurring thoughts or nightmares that aren’t related to anything in this life.
  • Repeating patterns- especially illogical ones- such as OCD behavior, a compulsive drive to win, ferocious condemnation of a lifestyle, belief or practice, or playing the loser.
  • Being a grounded, rational person when it comes to everything except a specific person, place, thing or event and feeling like you have no ability to control it or do anything different.

So how do you get unhaunted?

Sometimes the energy that follows you isn’t holding you back in any way. If you “always knew” you were going to be a doctor and have always possessed a driving force to help people, this could be the result of past life energy where you felt helpless to aid others or you were in need of help yourself and couldn’t get it. If the drive is benefiting you, I’d leave it alone. Don’t fix what ain’t broke, right? Just because there is a past link doesn’t make something bad. If you are growing and contributing, I’d say keep it!

If you have an issue that is bothering you that you’d like to be free of, search for conventional helpers who specialize in present life remedies first. Although it may feel like things are out of your control and there is a past life energy controlling you, it could very well be something very mundane and simple. A trip to a doctor, therapist or pastor may be just the thing to turn things around. If that fails, you may wish to consider making an appointment with someone trained in past life regression.

There are generally no qualifications required for someone to hang a shingle and begin offering regression services so thoroughly screen your prospective helper. Hypnosis may or may not be used. If so, having a certified hypnotherapist is a bonus. While past life work is almost always therapeutic, not all work is therapy. If you want therapy, find someone who is a qualified therapist. This generally means that they have advanced degrees and state licensure. As more research is done on past life therapy, it becomes more and more important that providers of this type of work have specific training. Ask about this too. There are many in the field with only a high school level education, but have been researching for ten or twenty years. Their education could be far superior to that of someone with a degree who only does one or two regressions per year. Consider the whole picture.

Just as Scrooge’s ghost taught him something about himself, your ghosts can too. However, at the end of the day, energy that began in the past generally has no place in the present. The point of revisiting unresolved energy is to release it and move on. When you’re ready to be who you are now, confront the past, use it, grow from it, and leave those old ghosts behind.