2020 July
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July 2020

betraying myself

Why Am I Betraying Myself?

If you think about it, there are two main reasons why people betray themselves. 1) for approval and 2) to belong or fit in. It can make you feel like you walk around wearing a mask. Neither feeling is generally worth the loss of self that it costs you. Acting for Approval Everybody enjoys approval. We all want to feel that we are good, competent, kind, and valued. However, when we need it, it becomes problematic because the power over our happiness always lies in someone else's hands. The person wielding the power can feel manipulated or obligated to care for you. That can feel like a burden. And you can feel slighted when you don't get approval when and how you want it. Both people can end up resenting the other. What you...

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pandemic induced depression

7 Tips for Dealing With Pandemic Induced Depression

Sheltering in place for months is taking a toll on mental health. We're not engaging in many of the things that create stability and happiness. We don't have clear facts about when it will end or what life will look like a month from now so we can't plan. It can feel like an endless Groundhog Day where nothing changes. So how can we deal with or avoid pandemic induced depression? Here are some tips. Maintain a Routine By far the most common thing I am encountering among clients is a lack of routine. There's no reason to get up at a certain time and no reason to go to bed. So why bother? Unfortunately, our bodies need routine. When we start sleeping when we want to, eating when we want to,...

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emotional safety

Want to Connect? Do This.

A really common statement that I hear in my office when dealing with couples is, "When things get tough, all I need is for you to hold me." That's a request for emotional safety. So why is it so hard for our partners to do this? It's about safety. When you're in an argument with someone and you don't feel safe, the last thing you want to do is move into that discomfort. It's like violating your own feelings. This is true in non-romantic relationships too: parent/child, co-workers, friends, and communities. Remember being a kid and fighting with your brother? Your parents made you hug and say you're sorry? What about your anger? Your feelings? Don't they mean anything? When you are ignored, it's invalidating. When you're feeling like you're not...

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