2020 June
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June 2020

raised by wolves

The Hidden Pain of Not Having a Healthy Mother

Okay, I am not literally talking about being an orphan. What I mean by "not having a mother" is when your parents are physically or emotionally absent. Maybe you were a latchkey kid. Maybe you had a helicopter mom. This can happen if your mom was preoccupied with a sick child, parent, or spouse. If your parents were mentally ill, had substance abuse issues, were workaholics, or were children of dysfunctional families and just didn't know how to be healthy adults or parents, that could also qualify. I am surprised at how dismissive mainstream society is about the value of healthy parenting. I see so many people who were neglected who don't know they were neglected so they don't see how harmful that was. Some don't see their...

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resting bitch face

Is Resting Bitch Face (RBF) a Real Thing?

Do you have resting bitch face (RBF)? Don’t know what that is? Here are some symptoms:  people frequently ask you to smile morepeople think you’re angry or sad even when you’re notyour friends tell you that when they first saw you, they thought you were a bitchpictures of your face never look the way you feelpeople often ask what’s wrongwhen people get to know you, they remark about how pleasantly surprised they are to find you’re actually nicepeople avoid you “Resting” means that the face looks this way when the person is unprovoked. It’s an every day look. “Bitch” refers to the unapproachable, hostile interpretation of the facial expression. It can also be perceived as contemptuous or annoyed. Either way, it is not warm and welcoming. The overall effect is that viewers are...

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Tips for Handling Invalidating Comments

If you’re in an environment of disrespect, it can make it really hard for you to function. This is really stressful. There are some thing you can do to make it easier. Here are some tips for handling invalidating comments. Give responses that: reflect YOUR thoughts, feeling, and needsshow respect – both self-respect and respect for all other partiesacknowledge the feelings of others. These things will help to keep the situation from escalating. They also model effective communication skills. It could be that the person that you are speaking to comes from an invalidating environment and hasn’t learned how to speak in other ways. Your example will give them other choices. Other guidelines: ask for clarification if anything has the potential of being unclearif you jump to conclusions, err on the side of a positive assumptionstay away from...

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dealing with racism

How I Am Dealing With Racism

There is a push for business owners to make a public statement to proclaim how we are dealing with racism by working to change systemic racism, educating ourselves about how to not be racist, and changing policies to more make services and work opportunities available to minorities and the disadvantaged. So here is my statement. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't really share my story because I'm private. It's not about me, and frankly, it's none of your business. So this is very uncomfortable for me. But when I was a child, other children used to ask me, "What are you?" I didn't understand the question. "What" is a word we use with objects. I would have thought it was obvious. "I'm a girl," I replied. "What are you?" I wasn't trying to be a wise ass....

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