Hey, guys. If you want to know what women want, it’s really very simple. You don’t have to be a Casanova or smooth operator. Anyone can do it. Everything you need is right here:
Love Her Fiercely
Your lady wants to know that she’s the one and only woman for you. She wants to know that you would crawl on your knees on broken glass to get to her. Women want to feel like no obstacle is too inconvenient or too big to prevent you from being there for her. She doesn’t need to be the most beautiful woman in the world, but she wants to know that she is that for you. We all want to feel special. So show her. Don’t hold back. If you haven’t told her and behaved in a way that backs that up, don’t assume it’s obvious. It’s not. Give her your heart and she will go to the moon and back for you.
Safety is the number one need for all people in crisis. We all need a warm place to live, food, and to feel like we are safe from harm. Security is part of that, but a woman wants emotional safety too. She wants to know that her heart is safe with you. You aren’t going to cut and run if someone younger and prettier comes along. You won’t forget her just because you’re having a good time. When you say something, she wants to know that it’s true! She wants to be able to count on you to support her, love her, and take care of her – especially when she can’t take care of herself. Women also want to know where they stand with you. If you don’t say, your actions don’t match your words, or you change your mind, that destroys her sense of safety. No safety means your relationship is in jeopardy.
A woman wants honesty. She wants to know your intentions. She wants to know your feelings, dreams, fears, past history – everything. If you say you’re going to be somewhere or do something, she wants to be able to take that to the bank. If you say you love her today, don’t take it back tomorrow. Don’t put conditions on it. If you don’t love her, don’t pretend! You’re not saving her feelings. You’re toying with them.
Honesty is a sign of strength. When you tell the truth about hard things, it creates trust. You can’t have stability or trust without honesty.
We live in such a superficial world where people respond to what a thing looks like or feels like. Women want to let their hair down and be seen and appreciated for who they are. She doesn’t want to pretend with the man she loves. Show her that you see her – not her bra size, humor, her cooking, how she cares for you, her titles, or the car she’s driving. Make her feel like she’s one of a kind.
Have Her Back
Nobody likes being vulnerable. Some of us have a harder time than others at asking for help. When these times happen, your woman wants to be cared for. She wants to know that you’ve got her back. We all intuitively know that there are going to be times when life just gets overwhelming. A woman needs to know that when that time comes, you will support her, take over for her, nurture her, or give her a safe place to be until she is her strong self again. Some guys fear that this will mean your woman will be a burden. Usually it means that she will fiercely guard your back as strongly as you do hers.
Compassion and Goodness
When a woman looks at a man, she wants to know that he’s capable of loving. That shows up in how he moves in the world. What does he say about his exes? Does he throw other women in her face or even just talk a lot about them? How does he treat his mother? Is he kind? Is he good? If so, she will know he’s capable of being kind and good to her. How you do anything is how you do everything.
Most women aren’t delicate little flowers. They’re capable of doing quite a bit of heavy lifting, but there is nothing like a man to do it for them. It’s part of feeling like a unit. It’s part of feeling cared for. A gentleman carries groceries, changes tires, and opens lids off jars.
A woman also wants a man to provide a strong container for her emotions as well as his own. She wants to feel that he can soothe her fears. She wants to him to be able to express his fears without getting out of control. Strength creates safety.
Women have a repuation for being talkers. They talk to create understanding and connection. When you don’t talk to her, she feels like you don’t want to be close to her or understand her. She can feel like she doesn’t matter. If you don’t know what to say, just be present. She will probably do all the talking anyway. Listening goes a long way.
If it comes to battling, be willing to argue. Fighting is a connected state! That’s why some people do a lot of it. It can feel better than sitting with things unresolved – which is a disconnected state. (And ladies, if you want your guy to be a good listener, no marathon arguments. Keep it pithy).
Women want to know that she can rely on what she sees and is told. She doesn’t want to be surprised by debts, old girlfriends, bad habits, interests, thoughts or feelings that she didn’t know about. She wants to know that if a thing looks, walks, and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck. So be transparent. If she doesn’t like you for who you are, isn’t it best for both of you to know that upfront?
Women like men who are self supporting and independent. She doesn’t want to be your mother. At the same time, she needs to feel that she has a purpose in your life. Do you let her give to you or serve you? Do you notice if she’s present? Does it matter if she’s there or not? If you’re too independent or don’t seem to care what she does, it can feel like she has no place with you. Let her know that her presence adds to your life by receiving, expressing gratitude, and asking for her help.
Sometimes women get a bad rap for being hard to understand, mysterious, or mercurial. I promise you, we’re not. If I have had this conversation once this week, I’ve had it four times. Every time each woman said the same thing. It’s not rocket science. Any man can achieve all of these things regardless of age, income, or education. The best part of it all is that when men give these things, the relationship improves for both parties.