One of the most damaging concepts to love is the idea of soul mates. The popular idea is that there is one person out there who is made just for you who will make your life complete. If you are wondering if you are going to meet your soul mate, let me put your mind at ease and tell you that much of what you may have been told is either blown way out of proportion, miscommunicated, or misunderstood.
How do I know? Because I have been doing past life regressions for over twenty-five years. It is one of the most common reasons why people do a past life regression. A lot is revealed during those sessions that help people get over their doubts, broken hearts, and fears. I’m going to share their discoveries with you so you can learn and grow too.
Here are the seven soul mate myths to discard.
1. Your soul mate is your one true love.
Trust me. When you see two, three, four or more lifetimes through past life regression, it becomes clear that there are many people you can deeply and completely love. There are many people you can have a happy life with. There isn’t just one that follows you from lifetime to lifetime. A soul mate is just someone that you continue to have karma with. That strong pull (it may be an attraction or aversion) is there to get your attention so that you have an opportunity to resolve that karma. It has nothing to do with whether or not you are meant to be together or whether you are each other’s “one true love.”
2. Love is easy with a soul mate.
Falling in love with anyone is often easy. Staying in love with your soulmate is as challenging as it is with someone with whom you don’t have that initial strong attraction. Dirty diapers, working late, money troubles, and family hassles happen for everyone. Stress happens. Routine happens. All relationships take maintenance, respect, and care to grow. “Happily ever after” only happens in fairy tales. And think about it. Would you really want that? How boring would life be if your partner never changed and every day was a bed of roses. Variety is the spice of life. A person who challenges you is good!
And truth be told, soul mate relationship are NOT easy. They tend to be bone crushingly hard. Your soul mate will likely shine a light on all the things you want to stay hidden. This hurts. It’s also a great motivator to get you to face it and deal with it. Our soul mates do love us, but that is not the primary purpose for coming into our lives. They are here to help us grow. Growth is not always easy.
3. Soul mates love each other forever.
My observation is that that strong attraction only lasts as long as the unresolved karma does. Karma is about balance. If you do something that creates guilt, fear, anxiety, or some other emotional debt (even love), that emotional debt has to be neutralized. For example, let’s say that “Bob” and “Mary” fell in love, but were forbidden to marry because they were from warring clans. They promise to find a way to be together, but before that happens Mary dies. Bob feels guilty that he “left her” and he vows, “I will protect you next time.” When they come together again, he is passionate about making sure she is fiercely guarded.
Now, let’s say that Mary is fiercely independent (as a result of her life being cut short last time, she wants to live fully). Bob is fearful of her being out in the world, so he responds by dominating and babying her. This upsets Mary and she eventually divorces him. They are both broken hearted. Bob eventually finds someone else and learns that he was a bit controlling. He now forgives himself and this releases of his vow to protect Mary throughout time. The karma is resolved and he doesn’t feel so strongly about Mary ever again.
This sounds simplistic, but this is actually quite typical of what I see. When people come to me suffering because of a broken heart, we don’t just discover the reasons why. We try to heal the hurt. When the wound is no longer open and bleeding, it heals. This doesn’t necessarily mean the love stops, but the compulsion does.
One more thing about this forever love, don’t most people who talk about soul mates say they loved and lost? You don’t see a lot of people living happily with their soul mates. The soul mate is usually “the one who got away.” Having a karmic bond does not mean you’re destined to be together or to love each other forever.
Karma is definitely a strong drive to stay together, but even if your karma is unresolved, the love of your life may stop wanting to be with you if you are not behaving in a loving way. Don’t take your partner for granted and think, “He will never leave me” so I can be as mean, rude, inconsiderate, selfish, and lazy as I want to be. Everyone needs to feel connected, respected, and safe. We all want to have fun with our partner. We all want to be intimate, share things, and be intellectually stimulated by them. We like being able to give to them and receive from them. If you’re not being an attentive, present, considerate partner, you may end up flying solo. Free will is always in play.
5. Soul mates are rare. I will never find mine.
Soul mate relationship are not necessarily about love. They are about growth. That said, I believe that our ability to find a loving partner is directly related to our ability to love. The more loving you are, the more love you attract. The more you love, the more deeply you love. The more deeply you love, the easier it is for someone to love you the same way. Love is only as rare as it is within you.
6. I will know my soul mate instantly.
Most people who feel they’ve met their soul mate describe it as an instant attraction; however, as mentioned before, it’s not uncommon for one or both parties to start out with a strong dislike for the other. A slow burn is also a possibility. You may not know your soul mate until she is gone. Being present and self-aware goes a long way in helping to recognize the love potential in everyone.
7. Soul mates have the best sex.
If you believe this one, I hate to be the one to break it to you that your soul mate may be your mother, brother, teacher, or next door neighbor. Yep. The karmic connection may not be sexual at all. It is a love relationship in that the person agrees to come back and go through something with you to give you both a chance to learn and grow. Sometimes those lessons are very hurtful. The motivation is never revenge though. It’s always an opportunity for you both to grow beyond your limitations.
But what about when the soul mate relationship is sexual? Well, it’s just like any other couple. When you’re feeling connected, it’s more intimate. When you have a comparable sex drive and similar likes, both tend to be more satisfied. When you are rested and relaxed, that also helps. When those conditions are not present, sex can be routine, rare, or not so exciting.
So what’s the take away from all this? Soul mates are real people with the same human desires and needs as everyone else. They bleed the same, sleep the same, go to the bathroom the same, and love the same. When you put someone on a pedestal, they will eventually fail to live up to your expectations because no one is perfect. Idealizing love or your partner is a recipe for disaster. If you want to be happy in love, don’t worry about what could be “out there” somewhere, focus on what you have. Appreciate what you have. Be your highest and best self every day and that will be returned to you.
If you don’t have a partner, the same suggestion applies. Be your highest and best self every day. We all attract what we feel we deserve. Love yourself and love will come to you. Give up the fantasy ideal of a soul mate. Whether it happens for you or not, life is just as it should be.