Don’t Go to the Pity Party

A pity party is an indulgent bout of feeling sorry for yourself that is often accompanied by blame, anger, and feelings of helplessness. If you are invited or are tempted to throw your own event, don’t go to the pity party! A pity party is not the same thing as feeling your feelings. Feeling your feeling […]

Master and Servant

One of the biggest issues I see with couples is the power inequality. There are actually four different types of power dynamics in relationships: servant/servant; master/master; master/servant; and equal partners. Only two of them are balanced. Only one of them is healthy. Servant/Servant This is the least common. Probably because it’s not sustainable. In this relationship, […]

Types of Dreams

When people find out that I do dream analysis, they often tell me a dream fragment and then ask me what it means. Dream analysis starts with understanding what type of dream you experienced. Avoiding that step can have you working too hard. Here are the most common types of dreams. Nonsense Dreams Sometimes a […]

Love Increases When Judgment Decreases

It’s easy to fall in love, isn’t it? You meet someone with whom you experience wild chemistry. You can’t get enough of him. He can’t get enough of you. It doesn’t matter what you do, you just want to be together. And then something happens to change that. Instead of pushing everything aside to be […]

Ask Useful Questions

If you want growth, you have to be able to ask useful questions. Useful questions take you from where you are to where you want to be. They are productive, creative, positive, and affirming. The answers provide information that you didn’t already have or combine data that was previously unrelated in ways that lead to […]

When Couple’s Counseling is Not Advisable

As a therapist, I am a huge fan of couple’s counseling. It can help you to grow emotionally, become more effective at work and in relationships, and be happier. There are times when it’s not a great idea however. Therapy is about making repairs and positive changes. Sometimes that is not possible. Here is a look […]

How To Waste Time in Therapy

I recently wrote an article about how to get the most out of therapy. It talked about how to prepare and what to do in session. I framed it that way to keep things positive. To have a complete picture of how to make therapy work for you, I realize that you also need to know […]

The Downside to Mindfulness

Mindfulness is all the rage now. You see it in universities, corporate America, therapy offices, as well as New Age establishments. We all hear about the benefits that come from chilling out. And why not? It’s really great stuff, right? What you don’t hear about is the missing warning label. Yes, like all things, there […]

Every Day in Every Way, I am Getting Better and Better

Some of you are familiar with Emile Coue’s famous phrase, “Every day in every way, I am getting better and better.” Coue` was a French psychologist who believed that most of our problems -mental and physical – were a result of our thinking. He came up with this affirmation and had his patients repeat it […]

How to Keep a Dream Journal

Examining your dreams is a way of honoring your unconscious, learning about yourself, growing into a stronger, truer version of yourself, harnessing the power of your unconscious, deepening your spirituality, and working through issues. Creating a dream journal is an excellent way to start, document, and further the journey. Not a dreamer? Don’t worry. Everyone […]