Why You Hate What Initially Attracted You To Your Partner

Have you ever been in a relationship where you met someone whom you thought was so cool. You really loved something about him or her and then later it was the thing that you caused the worst problems? Ever wonder why you hate what initially attracted you to your partner? Here are some examples of […]

How to Reduce Emotional Crises

A crisis is an event that overwhelms your ability to cope. So, the best way to reduce emotional crises is to increase your baseline level of functioning and increase the number and mastery of your skills. How do you know you are having an emotional crisis? Here are some signs: physical symptoms like headache, crying, […]

Get Unplugged

Want to reduce your stress? Get unplugged. Want to reduce your anxiety or depression? Get unplugged. Want better relationships? Get unplugged. Seriously. The modern lifestyle of hustling and stimulation from the time we wake up until we go to sleep feels normal. It’s what we do. Our brains are always going. Our nervous system is always […]

Don’t Hang Onto Things Beyond Their Usefulness

Health is about balance. If things are flowing at just the right pace, we have balance. If they become stagnant or move too fast, we get out of balance, begin to feel stress, and eventually become dis-eased. One way to keep things from becoming stagnant is to not hang onto things beyond their usefulness. What […]

You Are the Problem. You are the Solution.

Take a look at your life. What’s wrong? Whatever you answer, know that in truth, you are the problem and you are the solution. How you identify the problem is simply how the imbalance shows up in your life. This might sound like a “blame the victim” approach. It’s not. It’s actually empowering. When you […]

Don’t Go to the Pity Party

A pity party is an indulgent bout of feeling sorry for yourself that is often accompanied by blame, anger, and feelings of helplessness. If you are invited or are tempted to throw your own event, don’t go to the pity party! A pity party is not the same thing as feeling your feelings. Feeling your feeling […]

Master and Servant

One of the biggest issues I see with couples is the power inequality. There are actually four different types of power dynamics in relationships: servant/servant; master/master; master/servant; and equal partners. Only two of them are balanced. Only one of them is healthy. Servant/Servant This is the least common. Probably because it’s not sustainable. In this relationship, […]

Love Increases When Judgment Decreases

It’s easy to fall in love, isn’t it? You meet someone with whom you experience wild chemistry. You can’t get enough of him. He can’t get enough of you. It doesn’t matter what you do, you just want to be together. And then something happens to change that. Instead of pushing everything aside to be […]

Ask Useful Questions

If you want growth, you have to be able to ask useful questions. Useful questions take you from where you are to where you want to be. They are productive, creative, positive, and affirming. The answers provide information that you didn’t already have or combine data that was previously unrelated in ways that lead to […]

How To Waste Time in Therapy

I recently wrote an article about how to get the most out of therapy. It talked about how to prepare and what to do in session. I framed it that way to keep things positive. To have a complete picture of how to make therapy work for you, I realize that you also need to know […]