Don’t Go to the Pity Party

A pity party is an indulgent bout of feeling sorry for yourself that is often accompanied by blame, anger, and feelings of helplessness. If you are invited or are tempted to throw your own event, don’t go to the pity party! A pity party is not the same thing as feeling your feelings. Feeling your feeling […]

How To Waste Time in Therapy

I recently wrote an article about how to get the most out of therapy. It talked about how to prepare and what to do in session. I framed it that way to keep things positive. To have a complete picture of how to make therapy work for you, I realize that you also need to know […]

Every Day in Every Way, I am Getting Better and Better

Some of you are familiar with Emile Coue’s famous phrase, “Every day in every way, I am getting better and better.” Coue` was a French psychologist who believed that most of our problems -mental and physical – were a result of our thinking. He came up with this affirmation and had his patients repeat it […]

Why Love Hurts

Everything in popular culture tells us that love hurts. This is what we hear in songs. It’s all over romantic comedies. It’s been written about in many famous books. Every wonder why love hurts? Consider the law of duality. It says that everything that exists has an opposite. That is how we make sense of reality. […]

What Are Your Invisible Rules?

People make meaning out of things to help them make sense of the world. We all construct reality different. Our brains take in information and use whatever else is in our memory banks to decide what the information means. This process results in invisible rules. These invisible rules can either help us or hurt us. When […]

Making Mistakes

I adore people who are willing to make mistakes because those are artists, creators, entrepreneurs, inventors, explorers, conquerors, and people who get to the end of their lives feeling like they have been here. Let’s look at some of the benefit of making mistakes. Making Mindful Mistakes Lead to Growth You can’t grow or create […]

Why Therapy Doesn’t Work

Have you ever wondered why therapy doesn’t work? Why do some people have problems that don’t seem to go away? Why do some people seem to get labeled as “noncompliant” while others seem to follow all suggestions? There are actually really good reasons why therapy doesn’t work. Here are a few: “Noncompliant” Clients When someone […]

For Those Who Don’t Cook…

Those who don’t cook, I ask you to consider the following. Why do you think that courtship often includes an offer to feed the object of your affection? Why do we feed people after a wedding or funeral and during holidays? Why do the people of some cultures offer food to the dead? Food is […]

Don’t Be a Yes, But-ter…

Are you a yes, but -ter? What is a yes, but?  Yes, but-ting is when you agree with what is being said, then shoot it down. Here are some examples: I know I need to exercise. I just don’t have time. Of course upgrading my job skills would be great, but I don’t have the […]

Embrace Your Duality

The Law of Duality (or Law of Polarity) tells us that all things have what appears to be an opposite. However, the poles are simply extremes of the same thing. For example, we only know light because there is darkness. We know day because there is night. There is wealth and poverty. Using temperature as […]