How to Neutralize Fear

What is Fear? Fear is the expectation of pain. Some fears are instinctual, such as fear of falling/heights and fear of loud noises. All the rest are learned – usually by the age of six. Learned fears are the result of thinking about something in the future and anticipating that it will cause you pain. […]

The Story is Not Important

Trust me when I tell you, the story is not important. Figuring it out, understanding it, or worrying about it won’t make it the pain or the story go away. It won’t make you heal from it. Understanding it doesn’t speed anything along. To illustrate this point, allow me to share a famous story as […]

Keyed Up? Maybe You Need to Play

From the time we are very small children, we are taught to avoid imagination, work hard, get serious, learn, and “act their age.” Even dix year olds spend about eight hours in school! That’s a lot of time growing your brain. That takes away from growing your heart and gut/intuition. That can keep us from […]

How Do You Stay Safe?

We all have ways of staying safe. They are our go to strategies for keeping life from spiraling out of control. Sometimes we make them ways of living. Sometimes we reach for them under stress. Some strategies are more adaptive than others because they help us and others around us. Some strategies are good for […]

Death is Part of Life

Does anyone else ever marvel at how unnatural our lives have become? For example, we send women off to germ filled hospitals to have babies. Up until the 1950s, most births were home births. Now all of sudden birth has become a medical issue. And what about sex? It’s something that our kids find out […]

Feedback is Your Greatest Teacher

Before I was a therapist, I was a dancer and dance teacher. It was through that experience that I learned that feedback¬†is your greatest teacher. When my students and I embarked on our first competition experience, only one of them made it to the podium. Despite the lack of trophies, what we took away was […]

Can You Have Lucid Nightmares?

Lucid dreams are those where you know you are dreaming. That’s it. Lucid dreams tend to have this fantastic association where they are extremely vivid, the laws of physics do not apply, and sensory input is very different. For example, you may taste colors, feel sounds, and know things outside of the regular ways of […]

How to Reduce Emotional Crises

A crisis is an event that overwhelms your ability to cope. So, the best way to reduce emotional crises is to increase your baseline level of functioning and increase the number and mastery of your skills. How do you know you are having an emotional crisis? Here are some signs: physical symptoms like headache, crying, […]

Get Unplugged

Want to reduce your stress? Get unplugged. Want to reduce your anxiety or depression? Get unplugged. Want better relationships? Get unplugged. Seriously. The modern lifestyle of hustling¬†and stimulation from the time we wake up until we go to sleep feels normal. It’s what we do. Our brains are always going. Our nervous system is always […]

Don’t Hang Onto Things Beyond Their Usefulness

Health is about balance. If things are flowing at just the right pace, we have balance. If they become stagnant or move too fast, we get out of balance, begin to feel stress, and eventually become dis-eased. One way to keep things from becoming stagnant is to not hang onto things beyond their usefulness. What […]