Don’t Hang Onto Things Beyond Their Usefulness

Health is about balance. If things are flowing at just the right pace, we have balance. If they become stagnant or move too fast, we get out of balance, begin to feel stress, and eventually become dis-eased. One way to keep things from becoming stagnant is to not hang onto things beyond their usefulness. What […]

You Are the Problem. You are the Solution.

Take a look at your life. What’s wrong? Whatever you answer, know that in truth, you are the problem and you are the solution. How you identify the problem is simply how the imbalance shows up in your life. This might sound like a “blame the victim” approach. It’s not. It’s actually empowering. When you […]

The Job of a Parent is…

The primary job of a parent is to rear healthy, self-sufficent adults. That’s it. I am sure many of you are surprised by that answer. Is it not to love them? Is it not to keep them safe? Those are components of rearing self-sufficient adults, but the primary goal is the same for all animals. […]

Don’t Go to the Pity Party

A pity party is an indulgent bout of feeling sorry for yourself that is often accompanied by blame, anger, and feelings of helplessness. If you are invited or are tempted to throw your own event, don’t go to the pity party! A pity party is not the same thing as feeling your feelings. Feeling your feeling […]

Master and Servant

One of the biggest issues I see with couples is the power inequality. There are actually four different types of power dynamics in relationships: servant/servant; master/master; master/servant; and equal partners. Only two of them are balanced. Only one of them is healthy. Servant/Servant This is the least common. Probably because it’s not sustainable. In this relationship, […]

Types of Dreams

When people find out that I do dream analysis, they often tell me a dream fragment and then ask me what it means. Dream analysis starts with understanding what type of dream you experienced. Avoiding that step can have you working too hard. Here are the most common types of dreams. Nonsense Dreams Sometimes a […]

Love Increases When Judgment Decreases

It’s easy to fall in love, isn’t it? You meet someone with whom you experience wild chemistry. You can’t get enough of him. He can’t get enough of you. It doesn’t matter what you do, you just want to be together. And then something happens to change that. Instead of pushing everything aside to be […]

Ask Useful Questions

If you want growth, you have to be able to ask useful questions. Useful questions take you from where you are to where you want to be. They are productive, creative, positive, and affirming. The answers provide information that you didn’t already have or combine data that was previously unrelated in ways that lead to […]

When Couple’s Counseling is Not Advisable

As a therapist, I am a huge fan of couple’s counseling. It can help you to grow emotionally, become more effective at work and in relationships, and be happier. There are times when it’s not a great idea however. Therapy is about making repairs and positive changes. Sometimes that is not possible. Here is a look […]

How To Waste Time in Therapy

I recently wrote an article about how to get the most out of therapy. It talked about how to prepare and what to do in session. I framed it that way to keep things positive. To have a complete picture of how to make therapy work for you, I realize that you also need to know […]