How Do You Stay Safe?

We all have ways of staying safe. They are our go to strategies for keeping life from spiraling out of control. Sometimes we make them ways of living. Sometimes we reach for them under stress. Some strategies are more adaptive than others because they help us and others around us. Some strategies are good for […]

Death is Part of Life

Does anyone else ever marvel at how unnatural our lives have become? For example, we send women off to germ filled hospitals to have babies. Up until the 1950s, most births were home births. Now all of sudden birth has become a medical issue. And what about sex? It’s something that our kids find out […]

“But He Never Hit Me”

“…but he never hit me” Those are the words that many *women say when confronted with the idea that they are in an abusive relationship. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical. In fact, a lot of physical abuse is dismissed because it doesn’t result in blood or broken bones. Touching in anger of any sort […]

Two Ways to Love

There are two ways to love: conditionally and unconditionally. Conditional love is not really love. Love doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t demand. It’s peaceful. It sustains. When people say love hurts, they aren’t talking about love. They are talking about something else – quite possibly conditional love. We know conditional love because the good, positive, affirming […]

Feedback is Your Greatest Teacher

Before I was a therapist, I was a dancer and dance teacher. It was through that experience that I learned that feedback¬†is your greatest teacher. When my students and I embarked on our first competition experience, only one of them made it to the podium. Despite the lack of trophies, what we took away was […]

The Magic of the Gratitude Letter

When I was in high school, matriculated students would routinely come to my choir class to visit with the teacher. It was easy to see that he was the kind of person who made an impact on people’s lives. He often sought out the kids who didn’t have good grades, might have problematic home lives, […]

Why You Hate What Initially Attracted You To Your Partner

Have you ever been in a relationship where you met someone whom you thought was so cool. You really loved something about him or her and then later it was the thing that you caused the worst problems? Ever wonder why you hate what initially attracted you to your partner? Here are some examples of […]

Can You Have Lucid Nightmares?

Lucid dreams are those where you know you are dreaming. That’s it. Lucid dreams tend to have this fantastic association where they are extremely vivid, the laws of physics do not apply, and sensory input is very different. For example, you may taste colors, feel sounds, and know things outside of the regular ways of […]

How to Reduce Emotional Crises

A crisis is an event that overwhelms your ability to cope. So, the best way to reduce emotional crises is to increase your baseline level of functioning and increase the number and mastery of your skills. How do you know you are having an emotional crisis? Here are some signs: physical symptoms like headache, crying, […]

Get Unplugged

Want to reduce your stress? Get unplugged. Want to reduce your anxiety or depression? Get unplugged. Want better relationships? Get unplugged. Seriously. The modern lifestyle of hustling¬†and stimulation from the time we wake up until we go to sleep feels normal. It’s what we do. Our brains are always going. Our nervous system is always […]